If Natalie Portman’s shaved head and sharp intellect didn’t frighten your dick into recession, her latest outburst in Huffington Post surely will. Now, I like Natalie Portman. She was unquestionably the sexiest part of Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Imporium. Apathetic women aren’t particularly attractive, but neither are overly militant ones.
Portman’s article for the Huffington Post stems largely from her reading of Jonathan Safran Foer’s book, Eating Animals. She discusses her stance as a non-outspoken vegetarian and how reading Foer’s book has changed her into a fighting force for veganism. She begins her editorial with some backstory and humor about how she was always dicked around by her non-vegetarian friends.
I’m sorry that your friends couldn’t let you be in your own non-meat world, but fuck them! Seriously.
The most interesting segment is that with which she closes. Portman identifies food as central to a sense of religion or faith. Foer’s book indicates that the symbolic nature of food pollutes our religious identities from body and blood at Holy Communion to the fictitious story of Thanksgiving. While Thanksgiving is more of a secular American holiday, it still has its Puritanical roots.
She goes on to recall her college professor’s lesson about elements of society that are looked back on as being barbaric or uncivilized–like slavery, segregation, or The Video Professor. Will Factory Farms create that same lack of civility feeling in the near future? Most likely…but will eating meat ever conjure up the feelings that PeTA and radical vegan groups want: an emotional abhorrence of carnivores and omnivores? Almost certainly fucking not.
Portman presents the fair point that various societies regard meat differently; for example, Americans don’t typically eat dog because we enjoy a certain affinity with them–but isn’t this attitude towards meat slightly dishonest? If you’re a meat eater, shouldn’t you be open to eating any kind of meat? I know I am.
My point is–and I’m going to sound like a total redneck pigfucker when I say this–that book learnin’ and college learnin’ ain’t necessarily “learnin’.” Okay, I could’ve said it better than that…
What I mean is, there are entire generations of students who leave college with an arrogant mentality. Somehow, because they believed every word their professor said, and their professor recommended some “books they should check out,” that they are somehow in a private club of intellectuals.
I’m not saying that Natalie Portman is one of these people. She’s a very intelligent person. I should know…I went to college.
But in her article for Huffington Post (and let’s be honest, most articles for Huffington are…) appears to be written by an arrogant college douchebag who wants people to make an informed decision based on 40% of the factual information.
Is Factory Farming contributing to environmental problems and possibly Global Warming? Yes…of course! But how much–and is it something that requires our immediate attention?
Should animals be treated humanely? Of course they should! What are we…animals? Oh…right.
I’m going to use the very argument that Portman dismisses in her article, which is: We are a species that has the opportunity to choose what we want to eat and what we don’t want to eat. Other animals don’t necessarily have that conscious decision. However, as animals, and as a product of Darwinian Natural Selection, we are inclined to be omnivorous. We have canine teeth to tear apart meat. We had an appendix to work out the bad shit in our food.
We are, in essence, a full-formed meat-eating species. If you choose to abstain from meat or animal products, that’s a lifestyle choice…like getting married, going into the priesthood, or renting Big Mama’s House II. You shouldn’t be demonized for that.
Eating meat is not a moral issue; and it absolutely should not be turned into one. If you don’t like Christians telling you that you’re going to burn in Hell for being a fag, don’t tell me I’m an evil person because I like a side of salted pig ass with my eggs.
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