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SuperDPS Golden Globe Predictions 2010

The Golden Globes regularly tend to be–at very least–a watchable event. Even if you don’t give a shit who wins and who loses, or what directors are being celebrated for their achievements, it’s a star-studded event that will ultimately bring unprecedented joy into your sad, empty, meaningless life. 

This year, however, producers took a significant risk in hiring one of my favorite people of all time, Ricky Gervais, to host this entertainment spectacular. While I adore Gervais and follow his work closely, I presume it is fair to say that most of America has no idea who the fuck he is. When he was a presenter at last year’s Globes, he was poignant and hilarious–yet everyone watching was thinking: “Who is this guy?” 

Talented beyond reason.

I can only expect some interesting and awkward moments at tonight’s Golden Globe event–not to mention the countless points of irony and comedy gold that many viewers simply won’t “get.” 

EDIT: Lots of nervous laughs already. “Better get on with it before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno.” 

As I’ve done before, I will offer you my Golden Globe Predictions and then revise when we find out how wrong I was. 

The following are simply guesses and do not reflect any prior  knowledge of award winners. If you think the guesses are retarded, so be it–we’ll see who wins. 

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Neil Patrick Harris–How I Met Your Mother 

EDIT: Well, wrong. Maybe I should’ve watched DEXTER this season…evidentally John Lithgow was pretty good. 

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Jane Adams–Hung 

EDIT: Chloi Sevigny…weird, weird girl…deserves it I guess. Maybe she’s not weird, maybe she’s just normal and Hollywood is fucked up.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Brendan Gleeson–Into the Storm 

EDIT: Oh Kevin Bacon…I knew when I saw you on the streets of Philadelphia that I should’ve been on your side from the start. Thanks for saving the Mummers…no, really…thanks. Seriously…

Best Performance by an Actress In A Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Jessica Lange–Grey Gardens 

EDIT: Alright, alright…Drew Barrymore won for Grey Gardens. I got the right movie…just the wrong shitty actress.

Best Mini-Series Or Motion Picture Made for Television

Into the Storm 

EDIT: Grey Gardens…eccentric Kennedy cousins in a decaying mansion…sounds fucking amazing *yawn*

Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical

Alec Baldwin–30 Rock 

EDIT: Fortunately, I was right. Unfortunately, he cares more about charity than being at the Golden Globes…selfish prick.

Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical

Tina Fey–30 Rock 

EDIT: Well, I think Tina Fey’s got enough Golden Globes anyways. You only need so many book-ends. Congrats to Toni Collette for United States of Tara. 

Best Television Series – Comedy Or Musical

30 Rock 

EDIT: GLEE?! Really?! Fuck GLEE.

Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series – Drama

Jon Hamm–Mad Men 

EDIT: Wow…this must’ve been a great season of DEXTER. Either that or they’re just giving everyone a chance this time around. Michael C. Hall wins.

Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series – Drama

Anna Paquin–True Blood 

EDIT: I am not doing well this time around. Maybe I’m just out of touch this year…Julianna Margulies wins for…what…The Good Life? OK…

Best Television Series – Drama

Mad Men 

EDIT: Should’ve been DEXTER…but I’ll just be happy for being RIGHT.

Best Original Song – Motion Picture

“I Want to Come Home”–Everybody’s Fine–Paul McCartney 

EDIT: What the fuck is Crazy Heart? Has anyone seen this movie? Jeff Bridges…well, the theme from Crazy Heart won–if you couldn’t guess.

Best Original Score – Motion Picture

Karen O–Where The Wild Things Are 

EDIT: Michael Giacchino wins for UP…kindof unexpected…but not undeserved.

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

Quentin Tarantino–Inglourious Basterds 

EDIT: Jason Reitman for UP IN THE AIR. I’m not going to complain about this one. My prediction was based on Tarantino’s history. UP IN THE AIR was much better written.

Best Director – Motion Picture

James Cameron–Avatar 

EDIT: Hopefully he doesn’t win for Best Picture, but I’ll give him best director. He created a whole new way of directing, and that’s worth the award. I have a feeling he’ll go insane in his old age and start talking non-stop about Pandora…

Best Foreign Language Film

 The White Ribbon 

EDIT: Didn’t see this one, but I had a feeling. Remember when the Sham-Wow guy said “Ya know the Germans make good stuff?”

Best Animated Feature Film

Fantastic Mr. Fox 

EDIT: Well, another great movie won–UP–but I still liked Mr. Fox better. Oh well…cuss it.

Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Christoph Waltz–Inglourious Basterds 

EDIT: Well d’uh.

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Mo’nique–Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire 

EDIT: First one of the night and right on the money! Not a difficult choice (even though I didn’t see PRECIOUS). Pretty long speech though…come on Mo’nique, it’s not your show and it’s not an Oscar. It’s a Golden Globe for fuck’s sake. It’s practically made of chocolate. 

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical 

Michael Stuhlbarg–A Serious Man 

EDIT: Robert Downey Jr. won…but he delivers the best fucking speech of the fucking night. ROCK THAT BITCH!

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical

Meryl Streep–Julie & Julia 

EDIT: Surprise! Right answer! I would have seen this movie, too…but it looks like a shitfest. Meryl Streep just said, “I want to change my name to…T-Bone Streep.”

Best Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical

(500) Days of Summer 

EDIT: The Hangover. That’s a surprise…Good movie though! When’s gonna be Joseph Gordon Levitt’s time…?

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama

George Clooney–Up in the Air 

EDIT: Jeff Bridges?! Jeff Fucking Bridges?! Did anyone actually SEE Crazy Heart? I didn’t even know it was out! George Clooney is a king…I don’t even want to listen to Jeff Bridges’ speech. Lalalalalalalala—

 Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama

Gabourey Sidibe–Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire 

EDIT: Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side? This is the worst Golden Globes ever…

 Best Motion Picture – Drama

The Hurt Locker 

EDIT: AVATAR?!?! SON OF A BITCH! Fuck this show…I’m out.

AlexG/ 

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