Comedy, Educational, Fun Stuff, Porn, Special Guest Blogger

Tara Lynn Foxx presents The Sailor Twift Guide to Sexy

I was sitting on the Southwest Airplane, going to San Francisco to shoot some awesome porn, when I decided to write this list on a barf bag! I didn’t have anything else to write on so I said fuck it; at least it makes a great picture! 😉

A few months back, Alex wrote a Guide to Un-Sexy… I thought it was pretty good…. So I am going to be a copy cat and make my own Guide! Now that you know what to steer clear of… I want you to know what is really sexy! No whale-tails are not sexy… but a cute set of matching bra and panties are! For the girls who need some advice to the guys that need help in the sack… I am here to help!

Angelina Jolie: This woman is so exotic and gorgeous and I don’t know anyone who can disagree with that fact. Based just on her looks, she is a 10; then when you take into consideration all the help she had given to children around the world… she is definitely a keeper in my book. She is the only woman I know who can go from shooting an action packed movie like Tomb Raider to being the hottest MILF around!

(Runners up: Athletes, Australians, Acrobatics)

Boy Shorts: There is something about boy shorts that make me wanna masturbate in a public bathroom! JK! All jokes aside… I love the look of a juicy booty in a pair of super cute Spider-Man boy shorts. They are sexy, yet cute, and not slutty, like thongs 🙂

(Runners up: Brazilians, Bull-Dikes, Black men)





Confidence: When a man or woman has confidence it is a huge turn on! Us women like men that are courageous and have that manly attitude. I like a man who has confidence… it means to me that he will be successful at whatever he does! I need a man who knows he is worth something… a man who lacks confidence is worthless.

(Runners up: California, Comedians, Condoms)

Dave Grohl: I was on a plane when I figured out who Mr. Grohl was! Steve Almond wrote a great article about him and I hope you all can read it one day! It’s from his book Rock and Roll Will Save Your Life. Grohl was the drummer for Nirvana. When they split, he created Foo Fighters and is the front man and songwriter for them. In the article, Almond shows his human side; the man who takes care of his family and stays loyal. After all of the rock and roll groupies and drugs and drama, he stuck with his family and that is the sexiest part about this man.

(Runners up: Depilation, DWA, daddy-type)

Exhibitionism: also known as flashing, is behavior by a person that involves the exposure of private parts of their body to another person in a situation when they would not normally be exposed, with a tendency toward the extravagant. It is sexy to me and turns me on when I watch the execution of a sexual act 😉

(Runners up: Exfoliation, Education, Erections)

Foreplay: There is nothing hotter than a man who loves to please! I LOVE foreplay. I think it leads up to the sex in such a beneficial way for both parties. If the playing around before the big show is fun then you know you are going to have the best orgasm. Foreplay also gives you different insight into a guy–how playful he gets. If he gets creative or outgoing, then he is a good partner. If he always wants to skip the playtime and go straight to the sex… well he is UNSEXY and won’t last long with me.

(Runners up: Fisting, Fantasy Football, Fudge)

Geeks: I have love for the nerds, jocks, Goths, queers, and preps… but I LOVE GEEKS! If it weren’t for them I wouldn’t have discovered my love for science, or graduated high school. Another thing I can thank them for is this dream I continue to have about banging the fuck out of this really cute Matt Damon crossed with Seth Rogen Geek fantasy boy. These days, if you don’t have a pair of Ray Bans… you are not SEXY!

(Runners up: Glasses, Gynecologists, Google)

Hybrids: I am sexy right? That is because for my first new car… I bought a hybrid. What is more attractive than a man or woman showing that they care about the environment!? Not only do the people who drive hybrids have more money in their pockets… but they are usually pretty interesting characters.

(Runners up: Harry Potter, Hair Gel, Hot days)

Isis Love: I have never met anyone sexier than this woman right here. Yeah, she has huge boobs and a tiny waist, but that is not what makes her so damn attractive to me. It’s her Dominatrix work that she does for, and the way she cares about people. I think she is so damn sexy that, if I could, I would kidnap her and marry her ass! She is the sweetest girl I have met in this business and that’s what makes her sexy!

(Runners up: Ice Cream, Indoor Sports, Inclusive Hookers!)

Jogging: Come on! Do I really have to write anything about this one?…just picture this with me for a second. Close your eyes. Imagine you are sitting on a park bench on a nice summer day. The birds are chirping and you feel great. You look around to see all these beautiful people playing sports and jogging around the lake… you realize a lot of these people are gorgeous women with nothing but their tight bodies and spandex gear on! ‘nuff said!

(Runners up: Jewelry, James Deen, Jocks)

Koprolagnia: This is where my twisted side shows a little. This term basically means that I get sexual gratification by performing disgusting acts of self humiliation. I think it is sexy when you discover what turns you on… even if it is the strangest thing in the world!

(Runners up: Kegels, Klondike Bars, Kodak Porn)

Lipstick Lesbians: The first time I knew that I was bi-sexual was when a lipstick lesbian kissed me and had her way with me in her bedroom. Granted I was only 10, but I still knew I liked girls. As I got older, I found myself attracted to beautiful women who were like me but had that lesbian vibe to them a little more. They still wear makeup, cute girly clothes… but they are only attracted to women. There is nothing more SEXY than two gorgeous women making out in a public place.

(Runners up: Lindsay Lohan, Lactaid, Loot)

Motorcycles: Since the age of five I have loved Harley Davidsons. They are just so damn sexy with the sound of the engine starting up to the hairy, tatted up biker guy sitting on it! I can’t wait until the day I own one… until then I will settle with looking at magazines of hot girls posing on them. Who knows? I might even do a photo set myself! 🙂

(Runners up: Mud Wrestling, MILFs, Margaritas)

Nullipara: This is a term to describe women that have never had children. Yes MILFs are hot… but me personally… I like when the vagina I will be licking hasn’t already pushed a human out of it… there is just something sexy about a semi-virgin pussy… 🙂

(Runners up: Nasty Talk, Nick at Nite, Noses)

Osculation: Like I said earlier: I love foreplay. The one thing I love more than that is kissing! I love the way soft, full lips feel pressed against mine. It is even sexier when I get to watch other people kiss. It is just so passionate and romantic.

(Runners up: Oily Butts, Ownership, Overnighters)

Personal Hygiene: I don’t know how many times I have gone on set to find a guy that either has bad B.O. or his cock smells like he just fucked a whole strip club. GUYS! WHEN YOU WANT TO COME OFF AS SEXY TO ANOTHER PERSON… WASH YOUR PITS AND YOUR PRIVATE PARTS! Please! When I smell a man that smells fresh and he has some good cologne on… oooo boy!

(Runners up: Porn Stars, Personal Trainers, Pedicures)

Queer: Honestly… sometimes I wish I was a queer boy. They are so sexy that it makes me hot thinking about them. The way they dress to the way that they care about how they look! I love when people are outgoing and don’t give a fuck what people will say to them. I have found in my life that a good best friend is semi-queer…. in my eyes that makes them good enough to be on my list of sexy!

(Runners up: Queens, Quagmire, Quails)

Reproductive Freedom: For years and years women have been forced to act a certain way and obey the orders of their husbands. Now women are free to choose if they want to keep their baby or not. They also get to choose if they want to have kids at all! I think it’s very attractive when a woman can make decisions for herself. Once the stigma around certain things women can do is erased, I think the idea of reproductive freedom could be a very sexy topic!

(Runners up: Race Car Drivers, Regular HIV testing, Rachel McAdams)

Sarah Palin: I think the only reason she popped into my head was the porno they made about her. I mean seriously… if you are a politician you shouldn’t be sexy… but this broad is a grandmother on top of that! I love how she comes off as a total cunt… she is still sexy to me!

(Runners up: Stoners, Sun Sets, Stockings)

Tara Lynn Foxx: I know I know! I am full of myself! I have good reason to though! I do porn and love every second of it! I have amazing deep throating skills and I can cook. If I am on the rag I give BJs to make up for it! And ummm…. Oh ya I made you laugh once or twice… to me, I would say I am sexy!

(Runners up: Tattoos, Tom Boys, Testing Monthly)

Uniforms: There is something about them that makes me want to sexually attack anyone wearing one. I think it’s the picture of power that they serve. It doesn’t matter if it’s a girl at a catholic school or a fireman putting out the fire he started in my heart… tee hee! Uniforms equal a definite quickie for me! 🙂

(Runners up: Underwear, UV lights, Underground hip hop)

Vincilangia: Obviously, this had to be on my list. This basically means sexual arousal from bondage; the desire to possess women rendered helpless by fetters, such as ropes, tape or chains. The look and feel of it is so powerful and erotic it had to be on this list!!!

(Runners up: Violets, Variety, Violins)

Wank-Pit: This is a British term for masturbation. If you think this should not be on this list–think again! I get very turned on by the idea of men and women playing with their sacred private parts to give them pleasure while they watch my movies.

(Runners up: White Teeth, Women, Working Girls)

Xenerotica: This is the condition I have! LOL…It basically means having sexual attractions to strangers… However, I think my condition is beyond repair. I love to fantasize about people I have never met that sit next to me on the plane, or waiting in line at the grocery store… I love stranger danger.

(Runners up: x-rated, x-sex, xassafrassed)

Yaffle: I love when a girl has a cock in her mouth! There is not much sexier than a good BJ! I mean, come on you didn’t know that’s what “yaffle” meant! LOL

(Runners up: Yes- Girl, Yodeler, Yo-Yo)

Zoftig: Pleasantly plump women are very fun if you make them feel beautiful and tell them how much you love their figure. There is a difference between too fat and thick… Remember that. Zoftigs are really sexy because they have more to them than just skin and bone. A woman with curves is what gets me going.

(Runers up: Zorber, Zoob, Zeppelins)

Tara Lynn Foxx

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4 thoughts on “Tara Lynn Foxx presents The Sailor Twift Guide to Sexy”

  1. Wow, I love it when you use words like “Osculation” and “Vincilangia” — that’s so hot!

  2. look Tara Chris I have amnesia/ since someone sold 5,000 dollars worth of tooth paste to someone, I recall something about the pope/ heather ba’ wears my fingers my horse has my tubes/I recall him Joel pulling a gun on me; he was actually looking in the mirror! The pope of rome prayers, and I have amnesia since 2011 nearing January! I am one one. Don’t believe anyone who says they are Joel we never found him! Working not school that too was a lie! Code inspection! Perhaps I was Joel!

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