Things Men Should Not do

  • No man shall watch porn with a group of other men.

There’s nothing creepier than sitting around a bunch of guys watching pornography. There’s absolutely no reason to.  No circumstance can ever justify this, it’s just wrong. You don’t exchange conversations or laughter with other party members, there’s no commentary being offered or cheers, just a group of guys, mouths open, staring comatose at a screen, making frequent “bathroom” trips.

  • No man shall talk to another man at a urinal.

Conversation can start while walking into a bathroom, even when washing and drying hands, when you reach a urinal the conversation must stop.  Think about it. You’re holding your dick and talking. That’s not conversation, that’s dirty talk. The other guy might as well charge you $3.95 a minute and call you a bad boy from time to time. Keep them both zipped up gentlemen.

  • No man shall watch a movie starring Matthew McConaughey unless it has football, dragons, or submarines.

Pretty self explanatory. If football, dragons, and submarines are not present in the film, see rule above.

  • No man shall share another man’s razor.

Not only is it pretty unsanitary, it’s fucking disgusting. I don’t care if your room mate is the best wingman you’ve ever had, or even took the crazy ren-faire chick who collects knives and has 18 cats named after Lord of the Rings characters, so you could go off with her hot friend, DO NOT SHARE RAZORS. For all you know that razor was on his  ass 6 hours ago. Way to go assface.

  • No man shall send another man chain email.

I don’t care about how much you love Jesus, I don’t care if I’m “your true friend” (after all, you didn’t write it, some other fucker did!), I’m not going to send to to 13 friends and I don’t care if I’m never gonna dance again, because these guilty feet have got no rhythm! um.. point is chain emails are fucking stupid….yeah.

  • No man shall have a foot fetish.

I’ll probably catch some heat for this (ya sickos..) but stop with the foot fetish stuff. Makes no sense to me at all. Feet are pretty much disfigured hands. You have the whole woman, why go for the very end. Feet stay grounded, they don’t come up for air much, they smell, they get calluses, they get corns, they step in dog shit. Boobs don’t step in dog shit. I think any part of a woman that doesn’t end up in dog shit is very attractive.

  • No man shall drink cosmos, sex on the beach, fuzzy navals.

Cosmos: You’re not a Samantha and you shouldn’t be telling your bar buddies 12 ways they can reach the perfect orgasm. Sex on the beach: You’re a man. You’ll take sex anywhere if you can get it, stop being specific. Fuzzy Navels : We already have those. I don’t think you wanna think of yours while you drink.

  • No man shall post another man’s mother’s phone number in a bathroom stall or above a urinal.

No matter how funny it may seem at the time, the only thing you get out of it is a purple nurple and a broken nose. Please guys, leave the moms out of it. Ex girlfriend’s numbers are acceptable.

  • No man shall wear a t shirt 3 times larger than their actual size.

You’re not tough and you’re not a “gangsta”. Going back to a time when you were 3 and used to put on your dad’s shirt for laughs, and are now doing it to look tough doesn’t work. It’s not a shirt you’re wearing anymore, it’s a dress. You might as well throw on some hoop earrings and a matching purse. Whore…

  • No man shall tell another man his fly is open.

Some things need to be discovered on their own. I mean, what the hell were you doing looking in the direction anyway?!

  • No man should wear a shirt tight enough for his girlfriend to wear.

You don’t like carbs. That’s fantastic. Stop showing me ok?

Joe_G

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