Arts, Irrationality, Rant, Top Story

Who the Fuck is StaphMeal and Why Am I Reading His Cretinous Blog?

I honestly asked myself this question. It’s Friday afternoon, I’m sitting around doing nothing–wondering how the remainder of my day will play out, and then suddenly “magic” happens. A friend forwards me a blog called StaphMeal. More specifically, an article regarding a recent video shot and edited by myself, written by my friends at Center City Comedy and It’s Always Funny in Philadelphia, and starring some of the funniest people in the Philly comedy scene.

Before I go any further, I would like to state for the record that I’m nobody. My website gets a fair amount of hits, as do my videos, but I’m nowhere near as “significant” or written about as StaphMeal (aka Joshua Scott Albert). If you’re following me on Twitter (@SuperDPS) or you’re friends with me on Facebook, you’ll know where I stand on most issues, and we may disagree on some things, and I’ve (on occasion) stirred the proverbial pot, whether accidentally or knowingly, but I am–comparatively speaking–No one. Whew–now that that’s out of the way–who the fuck is StaphMeal and why am I reading his cretinous blog?!

It all started with this video, released on Thursday morning by myself, Center City Comedy, and It’s Always Funny in Philadelphia.

The only credit I can claim on this sketch would be as a videographer and editor, but I feel that it came together well. Others may disagree. The joke here (if you “get it”) is not that a woman is being raped. It’s that it should be shocking and disgusting. It’s the iconic music and the levity of the parody–the wholesome nature of the Mentos commercials–that creates the humor, not the drugging of a woman’s drink.

Of course, this video falls on the heels of remarks made by Comedian Daniel Tosh towards a heckling audience member at the Laugh Factory. If I need to explain my feelings to you on this matter, then you haven’t been paying close enough attention to what I’ve been saying. “Rape is never funny” is like saying “Suicide is never funny” or “Racism is never funny.” All three of these things are harmful and destructive, yet important topics that should be discussed regarding their use in media; but “Never Funny?”

Saying something is “Never Funny” is just as bad as saying something is “Always Funny” (no disrespect to my colleagues at It’s Always Funny in Philly). Some jokes will make people laugh and some will either be unfunny, poorly received, or outright mean. It’s the audience’s place to either be offended or be jovial. That responsibility shouldn’t fall on the comedian’s shoulders. If you thought the video was too much, or offensive, fine. You have a right as a human to be offended. That doesn’t mean, however, that we don’t reserve the right to offend you.

Enough about that, let’s get back into StaphMeal‘s poorly executed attack on us. While myself and It’s Always Funny weren’t specifically mentioned (EDIT: While writing this blog post, StaphMeal sent me a threat via Twitter. Egg and my face are in alignment), Center City Comedy (one of–if not, the best–free comedy open mic in the city) took the brunt of the merciless rant.

As a fellow blogger who has written some pretty needlessly scathing articles in his past, I can’t help but feel some vague sense of kinship with the young man and his desire to have his negative voice heard by the huddled masses. I can not, however, as a fan of both the English language and Comedy, allow this idiocy to go unpunished.

I don’t know Joshua Albert, nor do I care to. I don’t wish him any specific harm or trouble in life. I think he’s harmless, if only a little fucking catty about shit he doesn’t like, and ultimately forgettable.

His “blog”–however–is a mere year old, and written in a manner consistent with its age. I think it would be in my best interest to share the content with you here, rather than link to it.

Local Fucktards Of A Comedy Group Want’s To Date Rape You,

A tipster who was highly offended alerted me to this absurd youtube video. The name of the comedy group is “center city comedy”. Which to me is a pretty shitty name and sounds like they just want to improve their google search results. These guys are pathetic, really fucking pathetic….and they should die.

This video is classless, tasteless, and I hope these guys get the shit beat out of them and anal raped.  They play a show every Thursday night at ravens lounge. Go yell at them, throw shit at them, shit in their face, but please please please watch your drinks!

On a different note: Hey Asian American girl in the video, HOLLLAAAAAAA

I understand that typing is hard. It’s a man’s game. I get it. But calling for the rape and death of fellow writers and performers just so you can mount your high horse is more than a little extreme. Mr. Albert (who recently went public with his actual identity for legal reasons) is a tactless and intellectually dishonest writer devoid of any artistic or personal credibility. This vicious and malicious attack, while ultimately shrug-worthy and forgettable is–at its heart–tasteless, mean, and contradictory. And to end with a shameless pick-up line to the “Asian American girl” (Comedian Lisa Yost) who has been supportive of this work since the beginning? Who the fuck are you, dude?

Again, I say that I am nobody. A blogger, a writer, a film maker, a host, an artist, a producer and director; but ultimately, nobody of note, fame, or consequence. But that said, I would rather be a nobody–with my few fans, friends and supporters–dignity and self respect in tact, than a bitter hack shouting into a megaphone to anyone dumb enough to listen.

20 thoughts on “Who the Fuck is StaphMeal and Why Am I Reading His Cretinous Blog?”

  1. the problem here is not the subject matter of the video, but rather that is it wholly unoriginal and frankly, not funny, not different, and completely expected. The biggest element of successful comedy is the element of surprise. We don’t get that here. Instead, what we do get is people laughing at is the idea of some dumb bitch getting drugged and raped, which is actually not funny. Believe me, I hold absolutely nothing sacred, and I would welcome until the cows come home any joke or sketch or premise of rape that was actually smart, thought provoking, and FUNNY. I really do hate to be critical – but this is not well done. It is meddled, the message wholly unclear, and just not funny.

    “The joke here (if you “get it”) is not that a woman is being raped. It’s that it should be shocking and disgusting.” – If you want an example of how to effectively pull off this sentiment, please see the Onion article,28769/ – Of course, this is why this comedy writer is working for the Onion. This is smart. This is funny. THIS sends a message. It is memorable. This makes you go “ewww” while simultaneously laughing, while simultaneously making you think about the implications of Tosh’s performance, for it or against it. This achieves none of those.

    The lesson here is not that rape should never be joked about. It should. Every fucking thing in the world is up for grabs, if you want my opinion. But you need to be absolutely sure, when you’re dealing with SUCH a violent and highly sensitive subject like rape, that you’re absolutely NOT doing it wrong. Because it makes it so much harder for the people that are doing it right. Comedy starts a lot of conversations, it is important, it opens people. Don’t be irresponsible with it.

  2. Dear “Somebody”–
    The point you make is clear, although completely subjective. As I stated in the article, all I had to do with this was filming and editing. I didn’t write it, and won’t comment on the writing. Some people are laughing, some people aren’t. That’s what art is, right? That’s why we do the things we do.

    Linking to “funnier” pieces on the web isn’t a convincing argument. Of course there are millions of things funnier than what we put together in this minute-long clip. But this is our minute-long clip…and I have to stand by it to an extent–especially when faced with threatening voices.

    I do follow your point, though. And I appreciate you reading and giving a thoughtful response.

  3. staphmeal and center city comedy should team up, they are both lame,unfunny and have bloated egos far beyond their talent. Forever legends only in their minds. this is the time to make moves together.

  4. If center city comedy is lame, unfunny, and have bloated egos, what makes one log onto their website, read an entire article, then comment it? I’m just curious.

    You do sound like you know what you’re talking about though. I’d love if you linked me to your website so I can appreciate your contributions to the world of comedy. 🙂

  5. I have to agree with “Somebody”. I found this video through a link a buddy of mine put on Facebook that lead to this site. StaphMeal’s attack on the people who made this video was childish and incendiary, but the video itself is of the most puerile and base humor. I understand that rape can be funny. I have listened to comedians like Louie CK and Anthony Jeselnik tell hilarious, witty jokes involving rape, but this is not one of them. I “get it”, I just don’t think it is funny. How this got beyond the pitch stage perplexes me.
    First off, Mentos commercial spoofs are very outdated. Second, I understand that you might have been trying to show that rape is shocking and disgusting, but to someone who doesn’t know that is what you were going for, it absolutely just comes off that the people who made this video think date rape is funny.
    Once again, I am not against jokes or sketches involving rape if they are clever. “Somebody” cited an Onion article, I am going to cite a sketch from the Onion movie, entitled “Rape Mystery”, in which a group of people at a party get together to play a game similar to a murder mystery, only of course the victim has been raped. One thing that sketch has that your sketch does not is that the central character of the sketch is disgusted with the idea of a “rape mystery” game, showing the audience that rape is of course terrible. Your sketch has no character to actually let the audience know that the people behind this video aren’t just a bunch of guys who think rape is funny, and that, unfortunately is how the video comes off.
    Also, it is very bad timing with the whoIe Daniel Tosh controversy. It may have been better to wait a few weeks before releasing it.
    I live in New York, and have a buddy who is a sketch writer at UCB theater. I showed this to him, and he stated that this is the kind of humor people come into sketch 101 writing classes with before it is explained to them why it is not funny. It might be a good idea to remove this video.

  6. I thought it was awesome how this guy shot a video about how funny it is when a girl gets roofied, and then gets faux-outraged because the guy that’s angry about it had the nerve to say he was attracted to the girl who plays the victim in said video.

  7. But Alex! You forgot the part where you apologize for making this shitstain of a video and then take it down, before pledging to never make such dreck again.

  8. It’s weird that nobody complains about any other similar style of humor when it’s done anywhere else. Quagmire from Family Guy is just one long version of this video every single episode. No complaints. Is it dirty, base humor? Of course it is, but why take it down when so many people are tuning in?

  9. But Elliot, you forgot the part where you shut the fuck up and realize that there are people in the world who aren’t YOU! 🙂

  10. Also, “Someone”–just because someone’s a sketch-writer at the UCB theater, that doesn’t mean they shit gold. Keep in mind that most sketch comedy is VERY hit or miss. I didn’t write this particular video, but I stand by it. I outlined this very clearly in the article. AND whether or not you feel it was poorly executed or poorly written is irrelevant because people DO think it’s funny. I’m one of those people. You’re entitled to your opinion, of course. But don’t talk as if NOBODY could EVER like something like this. There’s a reason why shows like Tosh.0 and Family Guy are on TV. Low brow or not, it’s funny. Not to everyone, but to many many many people. You guys really need to learn how to take a joke. For fuck’s sake.

  11. This reason people are offended by this is because it glorifies the act of date rape. Every single person within the video approves of the action as well. Unlike comedians who make successful rape jokes, the scenario isn’t absurb and it pokes fun at the oppressed.

    And it does come at a time when women in this country are feeling particularly oppressed. I’m not going to go into lawmakers attempts at regulating birth control and abortion laws even in cases of rape but the people in power aren’t exactly on the side of woman. Also, rape in general is a pretty awful thing that often goes unreported. Not just in women. Sandusky anyone? It’s understandable that people would take this issue to heart.

    Would you have written a sketch about a white guy walking through a neighborhood being scowled at by black guys so he pops a Mentos and puts on blackface? Maybe you would. But it would be deemed racist and you’d be dealing with an entirely different group of people on this.

    Just trying to rationalized the other side of the argument without advocating violence or being obnoxious.

  12. If there wasn’t something wrong with this video, why are you getting so much negative feedback? You should take the criticism and learn from it.

  13. Some negative feedback doesn’t mean it’s a bad video. That’s first and foremost. It means certain people didn’t like it. If I took your example, I’ve received MUCH MUCH more positive feedback, so your statement is moot.

    Secondly, again–I didn’t write this video. So either read the article, or stop saying I did.

    Lastly, Yes, I would make that video about a white guy putting on blackface. They did it in 30 Rock, they do it in comedy all the fucking time. If it’s funny it’s funny. Women are feeling PARTICULARLY oppressed right now? I don’t buy your statement at all. Maybe you just aren’t talking to the most sensible women.

    This video in NO WAY condones rape. Why does everything that’s parodying evil and malicious activity have to automatically be “Condoning” it? A racist joke, told to be racist, IS racist. A racist joke told to call attention to the fact that racism exists and that we’re shocked by its existence so much that we can laugh at the stereotype is different.

    Saying ALL women feel a certain way is way dumber than this funny little video we put together. And saying ALL black people are offended by racial humor is ignorant as well. Maybe you just shouldn’t be watching anything that has to do with comedy…?

  14. “I may not agree with your opinion, but I will fight to the death for your right to be called a fucktard by me for having such a shitty-ass opinion.” -Some fucktard

  15. I think it’s adorable when men try and speak for women. Dan, don’t feel the need to speak for us, dear. It’s insulting. I found this sketch funny. I have a sense of humor. I can see where the punchline is. Rape isn’t the punchline, the absurd bravado from taking a fucking breath mint is the punchline. I guess if the guy said ‘Giggity’ at the end of the video it would have hilarious for some people.

  16. And I think it’s fun when one woman thinks she speaks for all women. You found this tasteless video funny, so I’m sure no other woman could possibly be offended by it.

  17. I don’t think she’s saying that it’s impossible to be offended by it, she’s saying it’s not mandatory or, perhaps, sensible to be offended by it…And just because something offends, doesn’t mean it needs to be stricken down. Now you know the kind of humor that you should stay away from.

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