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Kurt Metzger is the Devil


Much has been written by Kurt Metzger on a regular basis on a variety of topics from Internet Trolls’ use of the word “cuck” as the new gold-standard insult…to why C.H.U.D.s on Reddit have no valid opinion when it comes to who is and isn’t “funny.”

No matter how you feel about Metzger, his comedy, or his common Facebook tirades, one thing is for absolute certain: everyone wielding pitchforks against him on the Internet is worse.

The most recent bout of insanity came in the form of a dispute in the NYC Comedy Community over allegations of sexual assault/misconduct made against a particular comedian, who was not Kurt Metzger.

Because none of this is my business, nor are any of the allegations currently being investigated by any form of law enforcement, I won’t name any particular names.

But this isn’t about how vile and disgusting rape is, or about blaming victims. It’s not about Kurt Metzger‘s absolutely valid argument that the only true method of solving the scourge of sexual assault is reporting sexual assault to police and not your buddy who runs the UCB Theater in New York.

It’s not about “believing her” or “believing him” or about how Kurt Metzger was 100% correct that an institution taking a random and unsubstantiated accusation with no legal investigation and banning people from performing sets a corrosive precedent, and is the exact same reason SONY couldn’t just tear up Kesha‘s contract over a finger-point.

It’s not about “rape culture” (which doesn’t exist) or the unbridled power of the “patriarchy”. It’s not about fundamental misunderstandings about how the law works, and being able to destroy a human being’s livelihood over haphazardly spreading their name around the blogosphere creates a more unsafe environment than if the feminist myth about college rape epidemics were actually true.

No. This is about the most important question of all:

What the fuck happened to Comedy?

Every day I see comedians from top tier arena-filling acts to bottom-level open mic friends filling the endless timelines of Facebook and Twitter with irreconcilable garbage political opinions with nary a JOKE betwixt them! And when they do happen to fart out anything funny, it’s little more than an observation or regurgitation of something that’s been told a trillion times by a ba-zillion other social media comics.

What the fuck happened to Comedy?!

What possible approach is a seasoned comedian with a successful radio program supposed to take when a disconnected and unhinged psychocunt decides it’s now her prerogative to take on this week’s Great American Crime Story with no frame of reference, evidence, or information?

Invite her on the show to talk it out? Now, why on Earth would someone who has been starved for attention from gestation have any interest in doing that?

More importantly, what the fuck happened to comedy?!!

Unless this debate is going to turn into one of those delicious Comedy Roast Battles where the guy who lied about being in 9/11 gets his shit pushed in while Jeff Ross violently pulls his pud in the shadows, I’m not interested!

And neither should you be, my wonderful little bastions of common sense and self-respect.


I’m not going to say “Dance, funny-man! Make me laugh!” Plenty of the most thoughtful political and sociological commentary come from entertainers. But I won’t pat myself on the back, either.

This about sums it up:

You, I, me, WE are not experts, we’re vessels. We learn and attempt to educate one another in our daily lives. We don’t make it our mission statements. If we learned anything from Roger Rabbitthe mission statement of a comedian is simply to make people laugh, and this is what Kurt Metzger seeks to do whenever he posts a lengthy tirade to those still patient and willing enough to follow his social media accounts.

And this is the antithesis of the never-funny, meticulously-decorated social justice warrior princesses who desperately want to call themselves comedians. The men and women of the “comedy” world who do “characters” and publicly suffer from mental illness; the aforementioned underground-dwelling humorless rage-manufacturers; these are the fuckwits who have  evidently decided: why make people laugh when you can make them cringe?

Logic and reason, freedom and fact have to be the cornucopia of our civilization if we’re on the right side of history. But these things–truth and freedom–are also the base of comedy.

So Kurt, please, for the love of the “Goddess”, if you truly are The Devil, keep the fires burning hot.


Listen to Kurt Metzger and Sherrod Small every week on #RaceWars.

6 thoughts on “Kurt Metzger is the Devil”

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