Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages, the debate is officially over Donald J. Trump has confirmed Barack Obama was born in The United States of America! After years of doubt the only man with all the answers was able to speak to the American people and confirm, Barack Obama was born in the U.S.A.
So what can Barry Obama expect now that he is an American?
- Amazon Prime is the tits! Free shipping, streaming shows, and all other sorts of shit so you don’t ever have to get up off of that fat American ass!
- Costco, bulk buys and that food court! Mega slices of pizza, giant churros for a buck, brisket, hot dog & a drink for $1.50! And what in the fuck in is a chicken bake?!?! I don’t know but now that you’re American if you leave the house you can buy in bulk so you don’t have to leave the house again too soon and gorge on those food court prices to get that fat American ass even fatter.
- McDonald’s McPick 2 is cool as balls, here’s the tip you can get 20 McNuggets by getting two 10 piece orders off the McPick 2 for $5 OR you can get 24 McNuggets for $5 by ording 4 6 piece nuggets from the McPick 2 $2.50 menu. Basic economics, you know?
- Trolling is so much fun! Pick a target, any target and troll the shit out of them wherever and however you please, it’s the new American way!
- No matter what you drive, don’t refer to it as being “ok” or “reasonable” or “affordable”. No, your vehicle of choice is American and you’re American so you’re going to say your car is either “a piece of shit” or “fucking awesome”. No more, no less, and certainly not in between.
- Every brand that is the opposite of the brand you buy sucks. Don’t let anyone who uses the brand that isn’t your brand forget it.
- When out in public make sure to take plenty of pictures and videos of people you don’t know and judge the shit out of them. You don’t know them and they don’t know you, who cares? This is America!
- Everybody comes in to work late on Mondays, especially during football season. This is America and it’s hard enough to get that big ol’ American butt out of bed. Your employer will not only understand, but they’ll be late too!
- Game of Thrones doesn’t come back on until June, I don’t know what to do either. Fuck it, this is America!
- Everyone in American loves the ever loving shit out of America so don’t be afraid to flaunt how god damn American you are you sexy American son of a gun!
So congratulations Barack Obama you were born in the United States – period!