Friday Goob News! 9/23/16

Happy Friday, everyone! It’s that time again–the moment we’ve all been waiting for. We’ve done a lot on Tommy, and there will definitely be more to come, but this week we’re given a special update from one of my personal favorites: Bill Monroe (Billoon45).

Looking especially sharp this week, Billoon sports his usual stained white tee, wild mad scientist hair, unfathomably long fingernails, and prop glasses. Bill insists on giving us monthly updates to his life in between the standard “let’s see if I can fuck this balloon” videos…but as far as we can tell, unless he’s stricken by some tragic ailment, his life seems pretty stationary.

In today’s short supplemental update, Bill decides to review a month that hasn’t even concluded yet. Some key moments include: fixing his microphone, trying to get some things and then not getting those things, needing a new can of shaving cream, and deciding white hair/beard style he should go with next. Let’s hope this time he doesn’t lose an eye

I’m absolutely in love with Bill, but he remains one of the most mortifying and tragic people I’ve ever followed. We wish him the best.

In other news, Michael Ray Bower (HeyBower) is fighting back against the trolls by attempting to get ahead of the joke.

Because it is the sworn duty of professional YouTube trolls like LeafyIsHere and Keemstar to regularly mock the incoherent nonsense that goes on in videos from people like Bower, he decides to edit in a “Cringe”logo every time he says or does anything he thinks they may make fun of. The only problem? He misses quite a bit.

It’s one thing to use self-deprecating humor, but it’s quite another to be a mental man, and then react to your behavior with open hostility. Donkey Lips does the latter.

He starts off by describing how he’s going with his buddy WetMovie1 to a “friend’s” birthday party to eat sushi, and then attempts a disgusting sex joke. Then, like a Tarantino movie, we jump to the aftermath of him saying how the party was RUINED! This is storytelling at its finest, and you won’t believe what happens.

Up next, we’ve got our favorite party animal, managing to review a Krispy Kreme glazed doughnut with absolutely none of the expected sexual innuendo.

The Report of the Week never disappoints, and he’s not going to let the occasional psychotic stalker slow him down. There’s not much to talk about here. Review Brah simply explains the light fluffy texture and taste of a doughnut while nervously wiggling his sticky elongated lady-fingers. I don’t know about you, but long fingernails on a man sends a chill up and down my spine. This review winds up being one of his highest scoring, but watch out! There’s a surprise ending!

And last, but certainly not least…

If you’re desperate for a nice, quick, healthy dose of Tommy this week, look no further! This is another one of TommyNC2010‘s famous inspirational videos where he gives what I can only assume is his best attempt at a motivational speech. It winds up just being him trying unsuccessfully to string words together into sentences and making a bunch of troubling grunting noises. The best thing about this video is that he stumbles upon the phrase “high functioning inspiration.” Which is pretty much the greatest thing ever.

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