Keep Your Weird Fucking Politics Away From My Star Wars

Lest you’ve forgotten, earlier this month we had an election that was won by a man by the name of “Literal Hitler”–I think. It’s a strange name for a person; but everyone seems to think this is perfectly normal to spread around. Regardless, the reaction to this supposedly cataclysmic event has spawned some pretty batshit activity by personalities who still believe that people are interested in hearing their detraction.

So, here we are, getting super hype for the upcoming Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, when what should happen, but some of the screenwriters–namely Chris Weitz and Gary Whitta–start posting fucking nonsense like this:

Please note that the Empire is a white supremacist (human) organization” —@ChrisWeitz

Opposed by a multicultural group led by brave women”–@GaryWhitta

Chris Weitz also put out the Rebel Alliance symbol with a stupid fucking safety pin through it. In case you missed the memo, safety pins are now a symbol of solidarity through deeply divisive times (i.e. Brexit, Dernald Tremp’s Election) that someone just made up at some point in time.

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Don’t forget. The Rebel Alliance became corrupt when power-hungry SJWs took over.

And any TRUE Star Wars fan will tell you that the Empire is not a white supremacist organization, nor is it a uniquely human organization, nor is the Rebel Alliance a multicultural group led by “brave women” unless you count Mon Mothma, the leader of the Alliance, who we’ve never seen actually do anything brave–aside from thanking the brave men who died fighting for her.

All of this happened two weeks ago–as of this writing–but with the impending release of the new Star Warspeople are beginning to speculate on whether or not the political chicanery coming from these marginally successful screenwriters and storytellers will have any impact on the film’s box office.

There are two points that need to be made, which have been sorely lacking in the coverage of this new age of political dissonance.

First–fuck these fucking fucks. Who gives a fuck what they think? Are we really going to pretend to give a shit what the writer of the live-action Cinderella remake, and the writer of motherfucking After Earth have to say about literally anything? I can only hold out hope that the two of them were able to come together (two out of four total writers, btw) to make a coherent story! I can’t imagine a scenario where, as an individual fortunate enough to maintain a career writing box office flops, one would do anything to put that career in jeopardy. But that’s the rub; it’s not poisonous in Hollywood to speak out against Republicans. If any of these goobers said anything negative about Obama, or god-forbid Clinton, they would be fucked to death forever. Dunzo.

We can be relatively assured that these morons wouldn’t be able to weasel any of their personal politics into a script like this–as it’s about franchise/fan loyalty and not about making a political impression. Having said that, Disney is no stranger to controversy–but seem to err on the side of making people happy and not dividing their audiences.

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Second–This isn’t the first time Star Wars became political, even in the films themselves. Revenge of the Sith contained numerous references to the Bush Administration, comparing the rising Empire with the US Government–because that made just as much logical sense in former-Star Wars guy-George Lucas’ mind as it does in the minds of these idiots. Realistically, if we’re going to rage and boycott every time anyone in the film industry makes an unfair or illogical statement about Donald Trump, we’d never be able to see another movie as long as we lived. I’d wager that you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone involved in the production of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story who was openly (or even secretly) Pro-Trump. So, what do you do?

1.pngObviously, continue to treat Star Wars as bae, and ignore any outside distraction from people who can’t seem to take a hint. We didn’t care when Joss Whedon tried to scare us all using the entire cast of The Avengers and everything he’s ever done. We already said “fuck you” to these people in the most glorious way possible–by voting.

Also, if anyone can be politically or physically compared to Emperor Palpatine, it’s Hillary Clinton. Let’s be real.

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