Sailor Twift MAGAzine: July Issue 2019

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At long last, Sailor Twift MAGAzine is back…and just in time for Mid-Summer Madness!

LorneOur first cover-story is Lorne Mugawnagoats’ exciting new therapeutic and religious exercise: Spiritworkers Angel-Light Healing. She and her mysterious student (prisoner?) treat you to intricate and fascinating demonstrations and explanations of the amazing healing power of metaphysical angel-light.

BossEverybody is raving about Little Breakfast Boy–a middle-aged manchild caught on tape throwing a full-on tantrum in a breakfast goods store. When the video went viral, Breakfast Boy could be seen on every comedy podcast and radio show, spreading joy to all through the gifts of genuine red-faced New York City scumbaggery.

Our next story follows a familial dispute that took place in the wholesome land of Toon Town. Not since the days of Roger Rabbit have we seen such targeted aggression in a section of Los Angeles known for its kid-friendly, universally lovable characters.

BenNot exactly leading in the political polls, Fake Democrat Hopeful, Comedy Guy, and Game Show Host, Bern Gleb continues to collect campaign contributions from well-meaning but delusional boomer women who’ve taken him at his word that he has a chance to make it to the debate stage, let alone become the Democrat nominee for President of the United States.

And finally, experts are saying that the rise to prominence of four freshman Congresswomen may be a sign of the second coming. But not the second coming that Evangelicals are expecting; no. A far more sinister second coming…the rebirth of Heaven’s Gate–a mass suicide of frightened and bewildered progressive followers at the behest of wide-eyed emotionally and mentally corrupt leaders.

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The Wizarding World of Wizard World Philadelphia

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Wizard World Recap

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Perhaps it’s because I’m getting older and more prone to daydream about being a father, or maybe my perception of the comic con crowd is actually legitimate, but it seems to me that the annual Wizard World Comic Con event in Philadelphia is becoming increasingly targeted toward children. As it should be.

The weekend-long events have always been largely family-friendly and adult Stans and fandom devotees never resisted the urge to drag their children along for the ride due to some fleeting hope that a switch may flip in Junior’s subconscious, causing him to suddenly be fascinated with low-budget sci-fi from the 1970s.

While it is difficult to tell whether there were really more children in attendance or if I was just noticing them more frequently, the stands, merchandise and set-ups featured ball pits, stuffies, children’s costumes, people talking in cartoony kindergarten voices, and more.

kSJPQPsrRPql4PoSo3BGfANow, I could be horribly wrong and the reality of the enigmatic landscape of Wizard World Comic Con could just be catering to the sophomoric desires of its giddiest attendees. But there was something about seeing loads of parents with their bright-eyed kids (with varying levels of excitement) actually able to enjoy and participate in the festivities without having to narrowly avoid being trampled by a stampede of 30-somethings desperate to get a picture with an adult man who portrayed a cartoon character in a movie.

The levels of exuberance amongst adults seem to be a bit subdued when the celebrity guests aren’t a tremendous draw, leveling out the attendees to those who simply want to bring their kids, hang out, buy some pop culture merchandise, and get some pictures of the bewildered.

Saturday, the busiest of the Con days, wasn’t even overloaded with large elaborate costumes. It seemed to be mostly young people and young children having a solidly good time. The moderate level of celebrity photo ops were engaging but not distracting. In fact, one of the longest lines I observed was in the food area where costumed grown-ups waited for hot chicken tendies.

When the crowds aren’t overwhelming and the booth operators and merchandisers are able to breathe while they converse with potential customers, everything seems a little bit more fun.

The only thing to which I can attribute this perceived new Comic Con dynamic is the lack of truly A-List celebrity guests. And in a world where the pop culture comic book fandom has become ubiquitous and over-praised, children are often alienated, or at least pushed to the sidelines.

kuv5m4e8RluNawp3eUiqLwThink about it. When you were a kid, it was far more exciting to play with toys, imagine yourself as a superhero or Jedi, and be able to share those moments with your parents than it was for you to meet the guy who played Chewbacca. I think that’s the key.

Can the comic book pop culture, toys, costumes, and imaginative play survive on its own merit once the deadpan seriousness with which it’s taken in the real world subsides?

Do we even remember what it’s like to see toys and games that require us to utilize our imaginations rather than be visually fleshed out in all its detailed cinematic glory?

While it doesn’t seem likely that these indulgent fantasy fandoms will deteriorate from the mainstream pop culture ether any time soon; but it was nice to see actual children being able to embrace it all without chaotic adults running the show.

You remember children; the audience all of this nonsense was always intended for.

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