Sailor Twift MAGAzine: July Issue 2019


At long last, Sailor Twift MAGAzine is back…and just in time for Mid-Summer Madness!

LorneOur first cover-story is Lorne Mugawnagoats’ exciting new therapeutic and religious exercise: Spiritworkers Angel-Light Healing. She and her mysterious student (prisoner?) treat you to intricate and fascinating demonstrations and explanations of the amazing healing power of metaphysical angel-light.

BossEverybody is raving about Little Breakfast Boy–a middle-aged manchild caught on tape throwing a full-on tantrum in a breakfast goods store. When the video went viral, Breakfast Boy could be seen on every comedy podcast and radio show, spreading joy to all through the gifts of genuine red-faced New York City scumbaggery.

Our next story follows a familial dispute that took place in the wholesome land of Toon Town. Not since the days of Roger Rabbit have we seen such targeted aggression in a section of Los Angeles known for its kid-friendly, universally lovable characters.

BenNot exactly leading in the political polls, Fake Democrat Hopeful, Comedy Guy, and Game Show Host, Bern Gleb continues to collect campaign contributions from well-meaning but delusional boomer women who’ve taken him at his word that he has a chance to make it to the debate stage, let alone become the Democrat nominee for President of the United States.

And finally, experts are saying that the rise to prominence of four freshman Congresswomen may be a sign of the second coming. But not the second coming that Evangelicals are expecting; no. A far more sinister second coming…the rebirth of Heaven’s Gate–a mass suicide of frightened and bewildered progressive followers at the behest of wide-eyed emotionally and mentally corrupt leaders.


The Media is still defending AOC’s ’12 Years’ Blunder

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez claimed that the world is going to end in 12 years; or, at very least, we will be unable to combat the effects of “man-made” climate change in 12 years and our civilization will be doomed…

The media continues to defend her on this, but it’s not quite pseudo-science…it’s just another millennial believing the media’s reporting over the actual scientific reporting.

And the media is notoriously bad at reporting…well…anything…but egregiously poor when it comes to legal matters, science, medicine, and history.

It’s not that people who are concerned about climate change are stupid (though AOC may very well be)–it’s the degree that people are concerned vs what they know.

This statement about ’12 years and we’re too late and there’s no going back,’ or whatever, is based on the media’s complete misinterpretation of the 2018 climate report.

It is almost impossible to separate the science from the politics in any meaningful way; and this is due to the scientific community’s not-so-covert desire to get into politics, politicians’ inherent desire to prove they’re scientifically literate, and the media’s delusion that they understand all of it.

Don’t judge the book by its cover, but the headline of the report lets you know this is a document where scientists are going to theorize on government control of systems and ending poverty…which is a little more extensive than just a simple “take a look at our numbers.”

The climate is always changing, right now certain areas are trending warmer, so climate scientists are making models predicting what impacts could come from that process, what’s currently being impacted, and what humans can do (if anything) to help.

But the narrative that we’ve chosen to go with is that the world is in decline and it’s Captain America’s duty to upend all civilization to fix it.

And that’s simply not the case. We just need to think about technological solutions that are sustainable and less damaging as well as technological solutions that can help areas that will be impacted by natural climate change.

(We need nuclear power plants and more responsible farming)