#NPC NEWS – Volume 1

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Cyber Monday Deals on Kathy Griffin’s Career

2Today’s the day–one of the most unproductive work days of the year for many people: Cyber Monday. But no matter how unproductive you may be at work, while searching for deals on your Christmas purchases today, there will always be someone less productive than you…and that ‘person’ is Kathy Griffin.

It was way back during the sweaty Summer daze of 2017 that Z-list comedian, Kathy Griffin, made the finest mistake of her career: trying to stump the Trump.

Evidently, the mass media hysteria and the hyperbolic flippancy of the emotionally compromised majority, all made Kathy think that doing a photo-shoot with the fake severed head of President Donald Trump would go over swimmingly.

The backlash to this thoughtless act of self-promotion and self-degradation led to Kathy losing many of her stand-up dates and, perhaps more significantly, her role as CNN‘s ginger minstrel.

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Back then, I predicted that by December 31st, 2017, Kathy Griffin would be back on the air doing the New Years Shit-talkin’ Eve show, or whatever. You can’t have Anderson “Giggles” Cooper running that hellscape on his lonesome.

But now, I’m not so sure.

According to the Hollywood rumor mill, Griffin may be suffering from what’s called “financial catastrofuck.” She is allegedly not listening to reason and deluding herself into believing she will eventually make an enormous comeback.

The Blind Items would suggest that she may have upwards of 80% of her worth tied up in real estate, and therefore, her “public confidence” could be some kind of clever charade.

Huge, if true; but I wouldn’t exactly categorize public escapades like the video below to be “bolstering confidence.” People who are doing well and not suffering from any kind of severe mental illness typically refrain from saying things like “…watch me survive.”
But you be the judge…

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You’re Fired: Damage Control over #GoldenShowerGate

xxxBuzzFeed News should be an oxymoron to anyone competent enough to know what an “oxymoron” is; but it seems that many individuals have a problem differentiating the bizarre and tainted from the verifiable information in the media.

An anonymous 4Chan /pol user (which is admittedly redundant) has taken responsibility for fabricating a series of accusations and posing as an Anti-Trump agent. Whether that information is true remains to be seen; however, the documents provided through a whisper-down-the-lane method, straight to the ear of BuzzFeed News were deemed unreliable and unverifiable by every major media outlet. But regardless, BuzzFeed News chose to publish the 35-page dossier in full.

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The documents contained a series of statements, not organized in any fashion that suggests a professional dossier, accusing Donald Trump and his campaign of colluding with the Russian Government to win the election. These were the “documents of evidence” that had been passed around the intelligence community for almost a year…the documents everyone has been referencing tangentially, but afraid to actually disclose.

Why?

Well, evidently, they contain some very strange accusations as well; namely, that Trump hosted “golden shower” pissing parties with prostitutes in a room he found out had once been used by Barack Obama.

Not only did CNN then run with this story as if it had any credibility behind it, but the Trump communities at 4Chan and Reddit began to spread even-more-bizarre fictitious additions to the documents in a tongue-in-cheek attempt to see how low BuzzFeed‘s bullshit bar actually is.

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All day, both BuzzFeed and CNN have been covering their asses on this impossibly embarrassing clusterfuck…all leading up to a yuge press conference by Donald Trump.

Highlights from the conference include Trump doing a total BTFO of CNN’s Jim Acosta, and him bidding farewell to the press by saying that if he businesses aren’t doing well when he returns to them in 8 years, he’ll be saying “you’re fired.” This man is a god.

Meanwhile, the Senate Judiciary Committee holds their hearings on Trump’s Cabinet picks, with character testimonials that rival the Seinfeld finale. It’s gonna be a fun 8 years.

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Watch the full Press Conference Here: