It’s the Most Problematic Song of the Year!

Every Christmas season we hear the same old classic tunes flowing through the speakers in our retail stores and Christ-forbid: car radios. Seriously, anyone who complains about what’s “on the radio” needs to usher themselves into the 21st Century. We get the occasional new novelty songs, a cappella groups desperately trying to make Christmas gay again, and sexy young pop starlets trying to spice up the way Santa comes down chimneys.

Whatever you think about Christmas tunes; love them, hate them, traditionalist, or apathetic, there’s always one that stands out every year to attract the ire of grandstanding Krampuses everywhere…and that’s Baby, It’s Cold Outside.

Every year, the outcry against Baby, It’s Cold Outside is just as predictable as the Facebook lectures on why we shouldn’t have Columbus Day, or how Thanksgiving celebrates genocide, or about how our Christmas tree degrades the proud made up traditions of Kwanzaa created by a woman abuser called Ronald.

And we pretend it’s a surprise.

The ongoing recent tradition has been to combat this issue by gender-swapping the roles. Because, a song about rape is clearly better if the man is the victim…?

Or what if Zooey Deschanel, who recorded the song in its original context (above) decides that’s no good anymore…but it’ll be completely acceptable to release THIS official version where she literally tries to drug and assault someone.

And these same people climb up on their convoluted soap boxes to do it over and over and over again…

But no amount of cute cartoons, Muppets or gender-roleplay makes rape OK. So, there’s only one answer: nobody actually believes this song is about rapeIt’s a play. It’s theater.

But this year, it’s going to be different, because singer-songwriter duo Lydia Liza and Josiah Lemanski have updated Baby, It’s Cold Outside to finally meet the requirements for sexual consent–as all Christmas songs, aside from the extremely problematic Frosty the Snowman, have done decades ago. And every single media outlet is suckling at their collective balls–and not taking “NO!” for an answer.

https://soundcloud.com/lydia-hoglund/its-cold-outside

“It’s so aggressive and inappropriate,” Josiah Lemanski says of the original tune, according to CNN.

The original lyrics to Baby, It’s Cold Outside are tongue-in-cheek and clearly emblematic of the sexual climate in the time at which it was written, 1944, by Frank Loesser and his wife, Lynn Garland.

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Gross.

During that time, phrases like “say, what’s in this drink?” were common facetious remarks in order to jokingly dismiss someone’s giddy behavior and blame it on the effects of alcohol. It was a fun romp written for Loesser and Garland’s housewarming party to share with their friends, and recorded for the romantic 1949 comedy, Neptune’s Daughter.

In the film, the song was sung TWICE, and the gender roles were switched for each. Hence, even the first time anyone ever saw or heard this song, it was done with both men and women in the dominant role. So, in other words: it’s a rape anthem.

In addition, a woman’s sexual and relationship agency was limited to a prudish and conservative behavior, making it not socially acceptable to spend the night with a boyfriend or fiance prior to marriage. To anyone without an agenda to push, an analysis of Baby, It’s Cold Outside will show that it is categorically false that the message of the song is “no means yes.” It is a winter story-song about two lovers playing a seductive game of cat and mouse while being snowed in.

The song, invariably celebrates a woman’s sexual freedom, and the fact that she is encouraged into making the conscious decision by a man may be the only aspect that could even be honestly discussed as a cogent argument for “problematic” status.

But, fortunately for us…this adorable and certainly doomed-to-fail sexless couple have bumble-cuck-fucked their way into an outrageously cringe-worthy contemporary version of Baby, It’s Cold Outside that will surely stand the test of time, if that test only lasts for 35 seconds…and only if he’s being pegged.

The “couple” have stated that there are many songs out there with sexually violent messages that should be re-worked for modern day castrati, such as Otto Harbach‘s She Didn’t Say Yes and Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines. 

I can’t wait to see this lily-white duo reclaim such classics as all of blues music, ever and hip hop for the “sexually enlightened” whites.

The mindset being expressed here that these two white people need to educate and “raise awareness” (as they put it) is not only cold, sexually repressive, and condescending, it’s also pretty fucking racist.

But, by all means, continue this sacred Holiday tradition. After all, you’re just expressing your empowerment, right?

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Talking Nerdy, Ep. 218: What Kinda Business is That?!

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The 7th Season Premiere of The Walking Dead, preview thoughts / Who gets the bat, and did the Internet already spoil it? / Donald Glover is cast as Lando Calrissian in the Han Solo story / Do they finally have the recipe for a good Wolverine movie in Logan? / Billoon45 sets up a hell of a month in review / CNN uncovers the truth behind TheReportoftheWeek / The myth and legend of CWC, Chris ChanTommyNC2010 runs afoul of a North Carolina Denny’s / More Chris Chan than anyone is comfortable with.

DOWNLOAD THE LATEST EPISODE HERE!!

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–Follow today’s crew:  @NerdyPodcast ,  @Dan_SuperDPS@JoeyHAHAs, & SuperDudeDavey

What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Crazy Debate

There’s no getting around the political fact that the Presidential Debates don’t have much of an impact on the polls, or anyone’s opinion of the candidates. I would argue further that who we choose to be President of the United States isn’t a particularly significant decision either, but you guys seem to think it’s an all-out battle for, or against, Armageddon, so we’ll go with that.

With 6 weeks left to go before Amy Schumer and other hyperbolic pseudo-political celebrities move out of the country, both Hillary Clinton and her BFF, Donald Trump, are just about at a stalemate in the polls. Neither of them quite breaking the 50% mark.

And that ain’t good.

What that means is, for the first time (possibly) ever, these Presidential Debates could be a deciding factor. No one with any business casting their vote in the first place should still be undecided by the end of September. If the debates were substantial in policy differences–like an actual debate would be–it may be a noble pursuit to withhold political judgement until you see both options going head-to-head. But this is pure entertainment. And the Presidential Debates are my favorite part of political theater.

What should we expect? This campaign season has featured some of the more bizarre rhetoric and strategy in recent history, but when it comes to American Politics, it’s nothing new. I’m hype. You’re hype. So let’s make some predictions.

2Hillary Rodman Clinton has been loading up on her frustration over the last year. After being annihilated by a cool black junior Senator in 2008, and having her 2016 Democratic National Convention completely disrupted by supporters of a completely uncool, decrepit Jewish Socialist, all of her major Democratic political opponents are safely out of her way.

Now, she’s being matched blow-for-blow by the man Republicans reluctantly nominated, who bolsters little-to-no confidence among major political scientists…but somehow may actually run away with this election.

Hillary Clinton isn’t just walking into this first debate as a three-legged dog; she’s a squashed mutt being pulled in on a red wagon. All she really needs to do to survive is remain calm and continue breathing; which is not quite her style.

Predictions for Hillary are that she continues to behave as if she’s owed this big win, label her opponent as an unstable racist sociopath, flail her arms like a combination of Bernie Sanders and a Car Dealership Tube-Person, and walk away from this bout in stunned shame.

I don’t wish Clinton any harm, so even though seeing her faint at the podium would be an absolute joy, I’ll settle for a nice, long, very-audible nervous old woman fart.

4Donald Judas Trump has gathered his forces and experts, transforming his campaign into a structured threat to Clinton’s random, staggering defenses. Trump has a history of consciously choosing his strategists and partners from a strong stock, but a proclivity towards speaking frankly and unrehearsed, shooting barbs and stank when he feels threatened, like an orange and yellow woodland creature.

This has, of course been Trump’s biggest advantage. It’s helped him overcome seemingly endless discourteous statements whether flippantly made, or intentionally targeted.

It’s also his biggest disadvantage, as his “unpolished” demeanor is what gets him into trouble. He could potentially make a gaffe in this first debate which effectively eliminates him from the competition. It’s not likely, considering the kind of language and behavior he’s been excused for, but him calling Clinton a “cunt” on live TV would make this election even more enthralling than it’s been so far.

Trump can do no wrong in this debate, unless he attempts to match Hillary’s anger. He needs to walk away from this looking like the “sane one.” Could he pull it off? Maybe he’d be better of simply keeping his mouth shut completely.

My prediction is that Trump will come out of this first live debate on top. His poll numbers may not rise, since most of the public’s opinion on these two individuals has already been chiseled into stone, but he will be a clear winner; a personal victory…but it won’t last long.

By the next debate, the Clinton campaign should have his strategy and game-play figured out at least functionally enough to fight against the moves he’s going to make. But it would be a mistake to underestimate the incompetence her campaign has been capable of thus far.

Right or wrong, I’m excited; I’m hype; and my body is ready to be absolutely shocked.

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