Hey, Celebrities…We Need to Talk

You’re frustrated, I get it. In a lot of ways, we’re all frustrated. You have to deal with our nitpicking over every Blockbuster big-budget film you guys squirt out for a paycheck; and we have to deal with a mass media that obsesses over everything you guys say and do. We’re both trying to figure out our place in this crazy, mixed-up world. And as if the non-stop press junkets you guys do for your mediocre films aren’t enough to drive you crazy, you really really tried to convince us of your political superiority, and we all flat-out rejected it. It’s enough to make a perfectly sane Matthew McConaughey seem straight up retarded.

But the truth is, we like you guys sometimes, and we truly just need you to stop. Natalie Portman, Emma Stone, you’re both beautiful and smart delights and we love the energy you ladies bring to the screen. Andrew Garfield, I was so excited for your Spider-Man franchise…and I’ve been an apologist for the first one since it came out. Alden Ehrenreich, you’re such a fresh new face in Hollywood and we’re all extremely excited to see you pull off a young Han Solo in 2018. Amy Adamswe…we’ve had a good run!

The point is, we don’t want to be mad at you, and we don’t want to see you reach an early grave by stressing non-stop over some silly election. Everything’s going to be OK, I promise!

Take care of your kids, chill out and be thankful for the praise and adoration and money you’re gifted with, just for doing what you love…playing pretend!

Because we love you. But we’re getting too old for this shit.



Watson Reviews “The Amazing Spider-Man 2”

Director: Marc Webb Writers: Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci, Jeff Pinkner Studios: Columbia Pictures, Marvel Entertainment Cast: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Jamie Foxx, Dane DeHaan, Colm Feore, Felicity Jones, Campbell Scott, Emberth Davidt, Paul Giamatti, Sally Field Release Date (UK): April 16, 2014 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 142 min

Without doubt, the absolute best thing about Sony’s 2012 “Spider-Man” reboot was the pitch-perfect casting of Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone. As Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy, the costumed webhead and his brainbox lover, Garfield and Stone are an endlessly watchable delight, bursting with personality, flaunting a warm passion and sharing a buzzing chemistry which for electrical surges rivals Electro himself. So it was with a great deal of joy that I discovered while watching “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” that despite the marketing’s overwhelming showcases of special effects action and comic book villainy, director Marc Webb had decided to make Peter and Gwen’s relationship the focus of the film — a relief, considering my worries that the story was to be a cluttered, unfocused mess.

As you may recall, at the end of the first “Amazing Spider-Man,” Peter broke a promise: he swore to the late Captain Stacy that he would leave Stacy’s daughter alone and thus keep her safe from Spider-Man’s enemies. Now Peter’s having to deal with the consequences of breaking that promise: haunted by guilt, he’s seeing Stacy everywhere, and it’s put a strain on his and Gwen’s relationship. This is what drives the drama of the film: Peter loves Gwen and wants to be with her, and she too wants to be with him, but at the same time he wishes to keep her from harm. Peter and Gwen’s relationship is the core – or the heart, if you will – of the story around which everything else revolves, and it’s what keeps the film from being that cluttered, unfocused mess I worried it would be. (CONTINUE READING…)

HotDog8(8 outta 10)

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Watson Reviews “The Amazing Spider-Man”

“The Amazing Spider-Man” is a reboot of a blockbusting franchise that got off to a good start with “Spider-Man” in 2002, web-slung to towering new heights with “Spider-Man 2” in 2004, and lost its footing with “Spider-Man 3” in 2007. While each of those films were helmed by horror maestro Sam Raimi, this redo is directed by indie newbie Marc Webb, who may or may not have been hired for his eerily appropriate surname. Webb was a good choice: he displays a deft hand at directing drama, romance and action in “The Amazing Spider-Man,” and balances them with profound ease and impressive skill. Once again, a “Spider-Man” franchise gets off to a good start. I look forward to its inevitable sequel and look warily upon its probable threequel.

The Peter Parker, and indeed Spider-Man, of Raimi’s trilogy was played by Tobey Maguire, who was 27 years of age when he first played the super-powered high-schooler. In Webb’s film, Peter is played by Andrew Garfield, who is now 28 years old. In spite of the one-year advantage Maguire had over Garfield in playing a teen, I found Garfield more convincing in the role: the L.A.-born English actor, utterly enchanting as Eduardo Saverin in David Fincher’s “The Social Network,” has one of those faces that looks perpetually young or, more specifically, adolescent. Teenage girls could take him home to show daddy, and daddy wouldn’t bat an eyelid. (Continue Reading…)
(Eight Outta Ten)