Friday Goob News (10/21): The Triggering Investigation

Welcome back to another super-awesome weekly Goob News! I’m your host, Alex Gross, inviting you to come on this fantastic journey with me every week into the realm of the magically autistic. And what a week it was!

We’ve got Burger King’s Brand New MAYOnator, Tommy runs afoul of a North Carolina Denny’s, and JXC Studios releases the full version of The Book of Love on Google Docs.

First thing’s first: TommyNC2010 has been on a diet, and we all support him…blessings and peace…blah blah blah. But it’s become increasingly clear that this faux diet is just to drum up support and he is in no way sticking to a meal or exercise regimen. In this video, our dear, sweet Tommy has a fit about Denny’s putting him on hold for an hour for a pick-up order of a BURGER (read: not healthy) on his lunch break at work.

The only saving grace of this entire trip is that he managed to burn some calories walking to Denny’s to pick up (or not pick up) his food. He throws a fit, which he immediately regrets doing on camera, of course. Then resigns himself to a “healthy” meal at Taco Bell. All of the while, I’m watching this, thinking…”at least he’s walking…”

Then I realize the distance between his place of employment, Ingles Markets, and the food stops. I give you, Exhibit A: The Tommy Zone.

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He also mentions at one point that he walked “all the way from the Pizza Hut” which suggests…that he maybe had a pre-lunch meal there? I’m clueless. But I tried to find the nearest Pizza Hut and found this, Exhibit B: The 9-Minute Walk.

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But watch the video, and judge for yourselves. Because this investigation is far from over.

More importantly, watch him LOSE IT on an innocent Denny’s employee who has no fucking clue what he’s talking about and then tells him to “have a good day.”

In addition to his rant about proper “customer service” and making excuses about not being able to go to the gym because of his part time job, Tommy finds time to go to another restaurant!

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Tommy attends “Free Pie (read: not healthy) Wednesday” at O’Charley’s Restaurant and Bar where he indulges in a steak and mashed potatoes absolutely slathered in gravy…with a barely-touched salad on the side.

It’s important to recognize, when following the daily goings-on of TommyNC2010, that this is a “multimedia” experience. You get to follow him on his videos, see photos of what he’s eating via Instagramwitness live behind-the-scenes takes on Facebook, and map out his little North Carolina world via Google. Go on your funktaculis own Tommy Adventure today!

Next up, we’ve got another little story to tell about our good friend, John (TheReportOfTheWeek). Last week, Review Brah took a bite outta slime with his review of the new Burger King Bacon King Sandwich.

To his dismay, it was over-loaded with mayonnaise; almost triggering the moment we’ve all been waiting for: The Messy Suit Meltdown. We narrowly avoided the inevitable autistic fit…but little did we know that this little mishap would sit with TheReportoftheWeek for several days, culminating in an epic pitch to the higher-up’s at Burger King.

There is only one thing left to do: create the MayoNator.

And finally–perhaps my NEW FAVORITE SHORT MOVIE, The Book of Love, has been released in its entirety onto Google Docs by JXC Studios.

There is so much to say about it that I hesitate to put it onto words…just follow the link HERE. And see the trailer below!

That’s all we’ve got for you today, my precious little snowflakes! See you next time!

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Friday Goob News! 10/7

Review Brah is at it again, and when he’s not reporting on Papa John’s Personal Pan Pizza (which now I have to try), he’s visiting the largest McDonald’s on Earth…in Florida, of course. I’m hoping he was able to survive Hurricane Matthew, if he’s still down there. I would hate to lose such a valuable YouTuber. And speaking of valuable YouTubers…

No, not Razmuss. This dude fucking stinks, and no one is watching his shit…but…he offers a nugget of awesome this week: a continuation of our TOMMYNC2010 & J-ROD storyDon’t bother watching this whole thing, but if you need your abrupt Goober fix and need more Tommy-info, skip to the interview sections (there are about 2 or 3) and get it in.

 

TommyNC2010 decides to open up his heart and soul, revealing both his stand up comedy career and RAP CAREER! He’s revealed both of these things before, but this time, it seems clear that he’s getting ready to show us what he’s got. “It’s a burp.”

We should probably just suck it up and change this segment to TOMMY NEWS because he’s the only one worth writing about.

TommyNC2010 went on an epic camping trip with his family in which he gets violent gas…and also reminisces about his former life living in his parents’ attic eating fish heads.

And finally, I must leave you with one more Tommy vid. This is new for Friday, and includes one of the most amazing Time Lapse videos I’ve ever seen. Maybe the best ever. Tommy and Hamza attempt to move a couch. We all know the pains of moving large furniture–but this takes it to a whole other level. Incredible.

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Friday Goob News! 9/23/16

Happy Friday, everyone! It’s that time again–the moment we’ve all been waiting for. We’ve done a lot on Tommy, and there will definitely be more to come, but this week we’re given a special update from one of my personal favorites: Bill Monroe (Billoon45).

Looking especially sharp this week, Billoon sports his usual stained white tee, wild mad scientist hair, unfathomably long fingernails, and prop glasses. Bill insists on giving us monthly updates to his life in between the standard “let’s see if I can fuck this balloon” videos…but as far as we can tell, unless he’s stricken by some tragic ailment, his life seems pretty stationary.

In today’s short supplemental update, Bill decides to review a month that hasn’t even concluded yet. Some key moments include: fixing his microphone, trying to get some things and then not getting those things, needing a new can of shaving cream, and deciding white hair/beard style he should go with next. Let’s hope this time he doesn’t lose an eye

I’m absolutely in love with Bill, but he remains one of the most mortifying and tragic people I’ve ever followed. We wish him the best.

In other news, Michael Ray Bower (HeyBower) is fighting back against the trolls by attempting to get ahead of the joke.

Because it is the sworn duty of professional YouTube trolls like LeafyIsHere and Keemstar to regularly mock the incoherent nonsense that goes on in videos from people like Bower, he decides to edit in a “Cringe”logo every time he says or does anything he thinks they may make fun of. The only problem? He misses quite a bit.

It’s one thing to use self-deprecating humor, but it’s quite another to be a mental man, and then react to your behavior with open hostility. Donkey Lips does the latter.

He starts off by describing how he’s going with his buddy WetMovie1 to a “friend’s” birthday party to eat sushi, and then attempts a disgusting sex joke. Then, like a Tarantino movie, we jump to the aftermath of him saying how the party was RUINED! This is storytelling at its finest, and you won’t believe what happens.

Up next, we’ve got our favorite party animal, managing to review a Krispy Kreme glazed doughnut with absolutely none of the expected sexual innuendo.

The Report of the Week never disappoints, and he’s not going to let the occasional psychotic stalker slow him down. There’s not much to talk about here. Review Brah simply explains the light fluffy texture and taste of a doughnut while nervously wiggling his sticky elongated lady-fingers. I don’t know about you, but long fingernails on a man sends a chill up and down my spine. This review winds up being one of his highest scoring, but watch out! There’s a surprise ending!

And last, but certainly not least…

If you’re desperate for a nice, quick, healthy dose of Tommy this week, look no further! This is another one of TommyNC2010‘s famous inspirational videos where he gives what I can only assume is his best attempt at a motivational speech. It winds up just being him trying unsuccessfully to string words together into sentences and making a bunch of troubling grunting noises. The best thing about this video is that he stumbles upon the phrase “high functioning inspiration.” Which is pretty much the greatest thing ever.

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