GOOb NEWS FRIDAY (11/4)

It’s finally here, the moment I’ve been waiting for all month long–Billoon45‘s “Month in Review”! Bill Monroe goes into his usual schlemiel ballad about his unfortunate existence, but this time, it’s punctuated with a message of hope and perseverance. He’s survived a stroke, a heart attack, multiple balloon poppings, and believes he may be meant to walk this Earth for many more years. But he is going blind. Oh, and he says he’s going to be working hard to get Hillary Clinton elected…staying home and making love to balloons–which is about as hard as I expect anyone to work to get Hillary Clinton elected.

We’re also treated with a supplemental video where he fucks another balloon.

In perhaps the BIGGEST NEWS UPDATE–I know, I buried the lead on purpose this time–TommyNC2010 has finally featured SAILOR TWIFT STUDIOS in “Mailbox Monday”!!!

We sent Tommy FintonTalking Nerdy T-Shirt that he won’t wear, a few #RTR stickers, and a Sailor Twift Studios business card. I also included the portrait I drew of him, which he neglected to find during this video because he was overly excited about the GIANT FUCKING BOX he got from his sister-in-law. But, he made it up to me on Instagram and agreed to come on the podcast.

View this post on Instagram

#tweetbeforeyoueat

A post shared by Tommy NC2010 (@tommync2010) on

But that’s not all! We’ve got yet another Tommy controversy in the TommyVerseThis week, a video was uploaded titled Back to the Haunted Farm in which Tommy goes…back…to the haunted farm. However, the haunted farm never appears in the video! What instead appears in the video is him struggling to read the name of actor Kevin James. Some harmless dyslexic fun, you might say. But no. Tommy removed the video and reuploaded it with the embarrassing seconds REMOVED and an explanation-less apology in its place. Unfortunately, this is now lost in time…but here’s the edited video below:

And finally, Michael Ray Bower (HeyBower) would like you to see how he behaves at a friend’s (?) Halloween Party. This is 48-seconds of pure irritation. I cannot, for the life of me, imagine how anyone put up with this for over a minute.

Also, stop dressing like Dustin from Stranger Things. That goes for everyone. Unless you have a tubby and adorable child you can dress up, don’t do it. You just look like Bower–a lesbian long-haul trucker. This goes for you, too, Amy SchumerWhy can’t you be more like Taylor Swift?

Fuck. Yes.

That does it for this week’s GOOb NEWS! See you fucks next time!

X

Advertisements

Friday Goob News (10/21): The Triggering Investigation

Welcome back to another super-awesome weekly Goob News! I’m your host, Alex Gross, inviting you to come on this fantastic journey with me every week into the realm of the magically autistic. And what a week it was!

We’ve got Burger King’s Brand New MAYOnator, Tommy runs afoul of a North Carolina Denny’s, and JXC Studios releases the full version of The Book of Love on Google Docs.

First thing’s first: TommyNC2010 has been on a diet, and we all support him…blessings and peace…blah blah blah. But it’s become increasingly clear that this faux diet is just to drum up support and he is in no way sticking to a meal or exercise regimen. In this video, our dear, sweet Tommy has a fit about Denny’s putting him on hold for an hour for a pick-up order of a BURGER (read: not healthy) on his lunch break at work.

The only saving grace of this entire trip is that he managed to burn some calories walking to Denny’s to pick up (or not pick up) his food. He throws a fit, which he immediately regrets doing on camera, of course. Then resigns himself to a “healthy” meal at Taco Bell. All of the while, I’m watching this, thinking…”at least he’s walking…”

Then I realize the distance between his place of employment, Ingles Markets, and the food stops. I give you, Exhibit A: The Tommy Zone.

tommymap1

He also mentions at one point that he walked “all the way from the Pizza Hut” which suggests…that he maybe had a pre-lunch meal there? I’m clueless. But I tried to find the nearest Pizza Hut and found this, Exhibit B: The 9-Minute Walk.

tommymap2

But watch the video, and judge for yourselves. Because this investigation is far from over.

More importantly, watch him LOSE IT on an innocent Denny’s employee who has no fucking clue what he’s talking about and then tells him to “have a good day.”

In addition to his rant about proper “customer service” and making excuses about not being able to go to the gym because of his part time job, Tommy finds time to go to another restaurant!

tommymap3

Tommy attends “Free Pie (read: not healthy) Wednesday” at O’Charley’s Restaurant and Bar where he indulges in a steak and mashed potatoes absolutely slathered in gravy…with a barely-touched salad on the side.

It’s important to recognize, when following the daily goings-on of TommyNC2010, that this is a “multimedia” experience. You get to follow him on his videos, see photos of what he’s eating via Instagramwitness live behind-the-scenes takes on Facebook, and map out his little North Carolina world via Google. Go on your funktaculis own Tommy Adventure today!

Next up, we’ve got another little story to tell about our good friend, John (TheReportOfTheWeek). Last week, Review Brah took a bite outta slime with his review of the new Burger King Bacon King Sandwich.

To his dismay, it was over-loaded with mayonnaise; almost triggering the moment we’ve all been waiting for: The Messy Suit Meltdown. We narrowly avoided the inevitable autistic fit…but little did we know that this little mishap would sit with TheReportoftheWeek for several days, culminating in an epic pitch to the higher-up’s at Burger King.

There is only one thing left to do: create the MayoNator.

And finally–perhaps my NEW FAVORITE SHORT MOVIE, The Book of Love, has been released in its entirety onto Google Docs by JXC Studios.

There is so much to say about it that I hesitate to put it onto words…just follow the link HERE. And see the trailer below!

That’s all we’ve got for you today, my precious little snowflakes! See you next time!

X

4

 

Friday Goob News! 9/16/16

Alright, alright. I know I’m a little late this week. Sue me. Shit happens. But I don’t fuck around, and there will be goob news. Count on it. So let’s get started to watchin’ it!

TommyNC2010 is back, and we’re all happy to see him filled with autistic frustration instead of sadness and tears. Make no mistake, this is not quite on par with the 90-minute Tommy Extravaganza of last week, but it’s still worth every second.

Tommy’s new apartment is starting to take a turn for the worst, it’s filthy, it’s hot, and loaded up with cookies, candy and soda. He’s planning an “epic” housewarming party on a TUESDAY night. And along with his new buddy, Jared, the little moments of pure joy build up to a conclusion that can’t be missed. Is he drunk, is he sloppy? Maybe a little of both?! Find out!

If you’re short on time at the moment, save the video above for a quiet night at home, and sink your teeth into this little Tommy pleasure nugget where he gets a present from (probably not from) Daniel Tosh.

At the risk of making this a TOMMY HEAVY edition of Goob News, I figured I’d leave you with some of Tommy’s recent and best #TweetBeforeYouEat Instagram snaps. Take care, and we’ll see you next week!

View this post on Instagram

#tweetbeforeyoueat

A post shared by Tommy NC2010 (@tommync2010) on

View this post on Instagram

#tweetbeforeyoueat

A post shared by Tommy NC2010 (@tommync2010) on

View this post on Instagram

#tweetbeforeyoueat before you eat

A post shared by Tommy NC2010 (@tommync2010) on

Everything looks great!

X