Suicide Squad Introduces Fall Fashion to Summer

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As of this writing, Suicide Squad, the potential ground-breaking trip down the DC Comics Cinematic Universe rabbit hole, sits at a whopping 26% among critics on Rotten TomatoesBut this flick is so fucking hardcore, they’re not going to let a little issue like being absolutely awful spoil their fun–no, sir.

Imagine a Skrillex music video played at 1.5x speed, combined with a suburban improv troupe’s interpretation of what the thug-life is, combined with HOT TOPIC‘s Summer line, and you’ve got your review of Suicide Squad. But fuck it, why use your imagination when one video sums it all up?

HOT TOPIC made a bold statement this season. Not only by crossing over their “Barely Qualifies as Cult Cinema” line with their “Please Snicker and Comment Under Your Breath at My Appearance on the Train” line, but by (according to their site) making “plus-sized” orders “ONLINE ONLY”.

Not only does this cut out a “plus-sized” portion of the HOT TOPIC clientele, but also makes their gender-specific plus-sized model campaign effectively moot to anyone with enough body-positivity to exit their home.

The campaign seems to be working, however, as both 2X and 3X sizes of their now-discounted JOKER JACKET are now SOLD OUT.

It only stands to reason, now, that within 2 to 4 weeks, we will be absolutely abreast with 400 to 500 pound Jared Leto Jokers sloshing around in fake purple leather like Biker Daddy Barney the Dinosaurs…which is a shame, because if you assume that they’ve also seen the Suicide Squad film, you’d expect they’ve suffered enough.

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Jennifer’s Body and a One Trick Pony

alexbwDiablo Cody, the ex-stripper pop culture junkie who gave the world the Award-Winning film Juno (only to make us instantly regret it), has dropped off the radar for awhile; that is, at least, for those who haven’t been obsessively stalking her in hopes that they might be able to score a sneak peek at the imaginary Juno II.

Wanna know what she’s been up to?

Are you sure? 

If you really want to hear about it, Cody has been hard at work re-enforcing Megan Fox’s point that being an attractive young actress yields very few opportunities to be taken seriously.

Cody’s new film, Jennifer’s Body, is a comedy/horror conglomerate that answers questions that no one was asking; questions like: I wonder if Diablo Cody could make a horror movie sexy and funny?

The answer, of course, is: Probably, but not without consequence.

Juno was a pop culture phenomenon which has been completely forgotten about (except by MTV) since the release of Superbad–a film that made Michael Cera lovable to people who “don’t get” Arrested Development.

Jennifer’s Body, on the other hand, seems to contain the same quirky dialogue that made Juno intolerable to some, and that makes Gilmore Girls intolerable to everyone. But, judging from the preview (one of which was released with BRUNO this weekend), the dialogue seems to be presented with a slight tongue-in-cheekness.

Whether or not Diablo Cody wants this film to be taken seriously is debatable; however if the film’s objective is to give Cody’s Hot Topic fans something to get wet over (which I’m certain it is), it’s a total win.

Megan Fox portrays a super sexy popular high school girl (no shit?) who is possessed by a demon and sets out to seduce and kill/devour high school boys…which leads me to believe that Diablo Cody’s youth was either lost or misspent.

Horror fans will eat this up (no pun intended) if they weren’t annoyed to all hell with Juno…and Juno fans will enjoy it, if they’re not completely turned off by Megan Fox at this point (and who isn’t?).

What annoys me most is Fox’s statement that she wants to be a real actress and all these special effects movies she does are for shit because they’re not really about acting as much as they are about explosions and being attractive. What is this? Breaking the Magician’s Code?

Here’s how they do the trick, Megan: They pay you to dick around and be pretty on film so that guys nerds will pay to see a shitty sequel to a shitty robot movie.

Is it time for Megan Fox to go away for awhile? Maybe get addicted to something, check herself into rehab, come out in a year, and make some phenomenal piece of Arthouse horseshit that winds up winning every award possible…?

The red band trailer makes me hate myself for wanting to see this. Maybe I have some kind of inexplicable man-crush on Adam Brody…or a weird/quirky straight-crush on Amy Sedaris.

Either way, I have nothing against Diablo Cody, personally, but when your very first film explodes to an unpredictable degree of  critical acclaim, I think it’s safe to say that you just might have shit the bed.

Ask Kevin Smith.

Alex G/

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