The Curious Case of Taylor Alison Swift

I’ve been a fan of Taylor Swift’s since September 13th, 2009. Most people would lie to you and say “I’ve been a fan since the very beginning,” but not me. This was a very specific date when something very significant happened. Less than a year after America had elected its first black President and Taylor released her second studio album, Fearless, she was nominated, and won, Best Female Video for her song You Belong With Me at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards.

That evening, two notable occurrences took place. First, a drunk and obnoxious Kanye West hopped up on the stage, insisting that Beyoncé Knowles–then nominated for the chart-topping Single Ladies —had one of the best music videos of all time. Later in the evening, upon accepting her award for Video of the Year, Beyoncé offered Taylor Swift the microphone to finish her acceptance speech from earlier.

This evening soured many people on Kanye West, made many others aware of Taylor Swift, and served as a moment of mutual respect in a music industry that had crossed all racial divides. It was a proud moment in Obama’s America; a moment that nobody needed Obama for. There were no politics. Only people.

For almost ten years after that moment, Taylor Swift went from being the darling of the country music scene to one of the most successful pop acts ever, and did so while remaining almost entirely apolitical. She recognized that alienating half her audience may not be the best path forward for a pop superstar.

She’d adopted this persona as a heartsick fairy tale princess who only wanted to bake cupcakes, give surprise gifts to her fans, hang out with her cats, and find Prince Charming somewhere down the line.

So what happened?

Related imageTaylor’s career was deeply invested in Big Machine Records, the music label she lifted off the ground, and vice versa. She had complete control and the money was good. She had made a name for herself, brought up new country artists, and cultivated a fan base (or Stan-base?) of Swifties the world over.

In 2016, three more monumental occurrences transpired. First, Taylor Swift had a very messy and public spat with Kim Kardashian and (once again) Kanye West over some of the language about her used in one of West’s tracks. Second, Taylor postponed her 7th and final album to be released through the Big Machine Records label due to the stress and anger she was receiving from non-Swifties. And finally, Hillary Clinton, with the full force of everyone in the entertainment industry behind her (sans Taylor Swift), lost the Presidential Election to Donald Trump.

With the release of her 7th album, Reputation, and subsequent tour, Taylor was finished with her label, and became one of the most valuable musical free agents in history. She had been through the eye of the storm, risked losing her fans, generated a lot of frustration due to her silence in the 2016 election, and had a successful stadium tour to promote her album.

And that brings us to today. After being acquired by Universal Music Group, starting work on her 8th studio album, and pushing 30, Taylor Swift decided it was time to show people who she really is in the pages of Elle magazine. Her self-written article titled 30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30, reads like a strange fiction concocted by someone who isn’t quite certain of her own real world identity.

Image result for taylor swiftShe explains her decision to cut off commenting from Instagram and other social accounts due to caustic responses from the Internet’s finest.

It continues in awkward fashion, as she analyzes and critiques her own changing body like a teenager noticing them for the first time. And while turning 30 may be a milestone in her own life, she bizarrely asserts that strange notions like the idea that her hair has suddenly become straight after 29 years of being curly, and that men could never possibly understand the horrors of aging.

She reacts in a somewhat confusing manner to the May 22, 2017 Ariana Grande concert suicide bombing. She claims that she constantly fears for not only her fans’ safety, but hers as well. In a thought experiment that would lead any rational reader to conclude “this is when I started carrying mace/a taser/a knife/a gun” she reveals that she now carries first aid gauze for patching knife and bullet wounds, seeming to imply a complete lack of either honesty or awareness of actual physical danger.

She vows never to let outside opinions and politics impact her own, which then begs the question, why all of this? And why now?

She casually blames the entire year two-thousand sixteen for her desire to learn how to mix her own cocktails; a woman in her late twenties. Furthering a narrative that she is a long-time home cook, she assures readers that she loves cooking several recipes including an appalling “only ground beef” meatball dish, and other entirely basic concoctions courtesy of solely celebrity chefs. Less disturbing is her celebration of acquiring a game-changing “garlic crusher” (an item that doesn’t exist).

Perhaps even more egregious than the whole cooking debacle she announces that she has learned to always believe the “victim” of sexual assault due to her own experience as a victim. Not to belittle Taylor’s legal butt-grab battle, but comparing her experience to those who have experienced actual sexual assault seems to cheapen it a bit.

Taylor then proclaims that now, at age 29, she is finally ready to get extremely political with her hundreds of millions of followers…a decision I’m certain will not go over swimmingly.

The remainder of her learned experiences are often somewhat sad. She regrets relationships, fake friends, trusting the wrong people, and not going with her gut more often. Surely, all of these sound fairly commonplace in American life.

What this article communicates with me is that while Taylor Swift has spent her career being a consistently aspirational figure, she has spent very little time figuring out what it means to be truly authentic.

Image result for taylor swift


I’d Like to Buy the World a Pepsi

In the latest example of “dipshit social justice grandstanding” the bewildered and misguided Left have managed to get Pepsi (the sugar-water you get when the restaurant doesn’t have Coke-brand sugar-water) to pull their latest long-form advertisement from the Interwebz.

The ad, to anyone with a fucking brain in their skull, mimics the sentiment of the classic-but-cringe 1971 Coca Cola “I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke” ad campaign; albeit with much more heavy-handed gravitas.

It’s difficult to fully grasp the nature and purpose of the outrage over the Pepsi ad campaign, but when have these pink-haired cultists ever made any logical sense before?

If you’d like a brief overview of why your barely literate Facebook friends are so faux-furious over this campaign, it’s because of rationales like this:

In the ad, Kendall Jenner is doing a modeling gig while the rest of the “we don’t remember a world without Internet” generation marches and rallies in some non-disclosed resistance. Then, she realizes she’s done modelling (she’s got plenty of money anyway) and rushes off to voice her opinion with the rest of the musicians, drum-beaters, and self-taking teens.

In the end, Kendall offers a symbol of commercial togetherness by handing a police officer a can of Pepsi, and like a flower in a gun, or a black man with a mission to hug, everyone smiles and appreciates the gesture as one of peace.

But, as we all know, this aggression can not stand; and people need to feign moral outrage at the comparisons to actual Black Lives Matter protests and (for some reason) Martin Luther King, Jr. When, in reality, if this commercial campaign gets just one person to buy a can of Pepsi, it’s already accomplished far more temporary pleasure than Black Lives Matter could ever dream.

But, we’ll chalk this up as another hollow victory for the Fun Police and wait with bated breath for Kendall Jenner‘s unremarkable, unnecessary, and ultimately predictable apology for her “mistake”: taking a gig in a soda commercial that accurately reflects the collective culture and mentality of today’s American protest culture, the heroes of their own delusional fantasies, hilariously shot 2 months ago in Bangkok, Thailand.


(Side Note: I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but has anyone noticed when videos like the above In The Now clip get passed around, they always contain the full script in the Description? Not only do they want you to watch this nonsense, but they expect you to read and repeat their blithering bullshit as rote-memorization. Sick. Sick and sad.)

Talking Nerdy, Ep. 158: TransJenner CaitCrimes


The premiere episode of “I AM CAIT” / the tragic end of HitchBot / Zimbabwean Lion Hate / Ronda Rousey the Hobbit / the first of the Republican debates / debate over why sports are important to politics / Dan’s trip to the Art Museum / Stepdad Tom Wolf / The Facebook Speaker of the Dead! Check out #TalkingNerdyLIVE Sat. 8/29 at 3PM featuring Comedian Kyle Harris!


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–Follow today’s crew @NerdyPodcast,@CVLwolf,@SuperDudeDavey,@JoeyHaHas, @Dan_SuperDPS


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