Sailor Twift MAGAzine: July Issue 2019


At long last, Sailor Twift MAGAzine is back…and just in time for Mid-Summer Madness!

LorneOur first cover-story is Lorne Mugawnagoats’ exciting new therapeutic and religious exercise: Spiritworkers Angel-Light Healing. She and her mysterious student (prisoner?) treat you to intricate and fascinating demonstrations and explanations of the amazing healing power of metaphysical angel-light.

BossEverybody is raving about Little Breakfast Boy–a middle-aged manchild caught on tape throwing a full-on tantrum in a breakfast goods store. When the video went viral, Breakfast Boy could be seen on every comedy podcast and radio show, spreading joy to all through the gifts of genuine red-faced New York City scumbaggery.

Our next story follows a familial dispute that took place in the wholesome land of Toon Town. Not since the days of Roger Rabbit have we seen such targeted aggression in a section of Los Angeles known for its kid-friendly, universally lovable characters.

BenNot exactly leading in the political polls, Fake Democrat Hopeful, Comedy Guy, and Game Show Host, Bern Gleb continues to collect campaign contributions from well-meaning but delusional boomer women who’ve taken him at his word that he has a chance to make it to the debate stage, let alone become the Democrat nominee for President of the United States.

And finally, experts are saying that the rise to prominence of four freshman Congresswomen may be a sign of the second coming. But not the second coming that Evangelicals are expecting; no. A far more sinister second coming…the rebirth of Heaven’s Gate–a mass suicide of frightened and bewildered progressive followers at the behest of wide-eyed emotionally and mentally corrupt leaders.


Sailor Twift InstaZine: Tha Spooktacular Issue (Oct. 2018)

  1. As we get closer and closer to the fictional narrative of The Purge, people are angry, violence manifests out of anger and politicians stoke the flames of chaos by encouraging the political Left to engage in acts of physical and mental aggression on their opponents.

  2. Halloween is once again upon us; one of the key holidays that sparked PC culture on college campuses. Videos of erratic students shrieking at their less confrontation-prone professors over statements made about trying not to get too upset at offensive Halloween costumes. Halloween, up until then thought of as a day of irreverence and perhaps even provocative masquerade amongst alleged grown-ups, had essentially been cancelled.

  3. The Philadelphia Flyers unveiled their new NHL mascot, Gritty. Gritty represents a scrappy, bearded hockey fanatic paired with the Flyers’ entertaining and notable history of being roughnecks on the ice. Due to Gritty’s quite startling appearance, he sparked a plethora of memes and articles, in addition to a wealth of attention for the team itself. Will Gritty be the shot in the arm the Philadelphia Flyers need to make it all the way to the Stanley Cup? Time will tell.

  4. Apparently, “Blue Wave” is not just a disgusting blue-flavored liquor…Democrats across the country appear to be preparing for what they feel is going to be a “Blue Wave” in the 2018 Midterm elections. Typically, the opposing party to the President delivers a win in the legislature during midterm elections, but the Democrats seem to be expecting a huge victory across the board. Oddly, the attitudes of the Republican Party and their constituents do not seem to reflect any desire to roll over and die. Perhaps a “Red Wave” is in order.

  5.  Our all new Faces of the Left video series launched with a first volume of tapes guaranteed to make you cringe and squirm. We searched far and wide for examples of Leftists in their natural form, behaving in morally repugnant ways. And now we bring those tapes to you…be warned!

  6. The Brett Kavanaugh Saga has come to an end, at least for now…but we still have that lingering message in the ether: “Believe Her.” The message embedded in this slick slogan is that a person’s word, especially if they’re a woman, is enough evidence to solidify someone’s downfall. And although this can’t be legally upheld in any way, it seems to be culturally and socially accurate. It’s going to take backbone and perseverance to make sure mere accusations without fact or corroboration do not bring about our demise.

    We recall the story of Emmett Till, a black teenager who was murdered because a woman told her family that he tried to sexually assault her. She later regretted this decision (whether or not it was true) because she didn’t realize how badly it would turn out. Don’t get it twisted, the Democrats wanted Brett Kavanaugh to lose his career, family, and life. That’s the only end game when it comes to these accusations.

    The confirmation of Kavanaugh, and the standing up against baseless attacks was a major victory, but the war isn’t over yet. #BOOF