The Day America Elected a Frog

1Let’s get one thing straight. Most of America doesn’t vote; so before you gloat about “America wanted Trump” or “It appears Clinton won the popular vote, so clearly America wanted Clinton,” understand the the vast majority of the country didn’t give a fuck about either candidate; or at least not enough to push a button.

Since the beginning of this election cycle–all the way back to the primaries, the media, pollsters, experts, and dipshit comedians made one thing perfectly clear: Donald Trump did not stand a chance. But there was something else going on that they didn’t quite grasp:

Most people don’t really like being seen as villains.

It began with the Tea Party, a diverse nationalist group mainly focused on decreasing the power of the Federal Government, and against amnesty for illegal immigrants. They were called racists. Then we expand the scope to gun violence and the evolution of Black Lives Matter from a law enforcement watchdog group into a terrorist organization. But if you spoke against BLM, you were called racist. Then we expand further to Islamic extremism, the failure of European governments to get a handle on terrorism and corrosive Islamic culture within their borders, and those who had a problem with it were called racist.

But the Social Justice movement had their own frustration against the big government cronies. They formed Occupy Wall Street and attempted to stand up for “the 99%”, a portion of the country they felt were not given preferential treatment over the elite and wealthy donors, lobbyists and powers that influence practically every move in government, no matter what party is in power.These protest groups slowly dismantled and became dysfunctional versions of themselves; largely due to public perception of their behavior (along with their actual objectionable behavior).

Any legitimate concerns about violent protests, riots, terrorism, murders and collegiate safe-space culture were immediately shut down as racistsexisttransphobichomophobic or islamophobic by the youth culture and their pearl-clutching “cool” professors.

Then the introversion began. People became increasingly apprehensive about voicing their disapproval, so they did so anonymously…via social media, or by living vicariously through outspoken provocateurs like Milo Yiannopoulos or satirical troll-havens like 4chan or Reddit. And it was in this cavern of anonymity that people chose Pepe the Frog as a symbol of their dissatisfaction.

While the typical election bullshit reached a fever pitch, the media assured the fainting-couch left that there was no possible way “New-Hitler Donald Trump” could possibly win. They asked millions of Americans through countless polls and the vast majority agreed. Donald Trump was a metaphysical impossibility.

But the cult of Pepe hadn’t been polled. They weren’t “likely voters.” The disenfranchised never are.

So when the time came to vote for a woman president, those who opposed her were called sexist. They didn’t like her political cronyism and they didn’t like the new Ghostbusters movie. They were the pariahs, living in the shadows, being shouted down by their peers, and being laughed off by the media.

They decided “fuck em. I’m going to vote Pepe.” And by this point, Pepe was solidified as Donald Trump. It could have been anyone. Any outsider who rose to national intrigue based on flippant behavior and complete disregard for the media’s non-stop belittlement. Make no mistake. This vote was not for Donald Trump, though many do sympathize with his political ideals. This was a vote for “fuck you.”

1This election wasn’t just a mirror of Britain’s Brexit vote…where the silent majority spoke out against what they perceived as a cultural holocaust…and agreed to turn their backs on the people who have been calling them bigots for the better part of a decade.

This election was punk. This election was hip hop. This election was the blowback of a culture war started long ago. The delusional moral superiority of the millennial culture created a volatile space that alienated the voices of reason, backed them into corners, and silenced them into sociological persecution–or at least the threat of it.

Many of those individuals chose not to cower in corners but to attempt to carefully fight back…swinging wildly, but with open-hands. All of their voices falling on deaf ears.

The rest waited, dormant, stoic. Waiting for the day when they could voice their frustration, not with a Facebook post that will get them suspended, or a Tweet that will get posted on Gawker with the caption “Check out THIS fucking idiot!” Principled, non-voting anarchistic and frustrated former-voters came out in droves. And while the actual voter turnout numbers were still relatively much lower than the media expected, they came out to push that button for Pepe the Frog. The anomaly. And Pepe won.

trollI’ve written several articles on this site about the swell of fear around a Trump presidency, the brazen corruption and seemingly unsinkability of the fascistic left, the rise of Pepe the Frog as a symbol of “hate”, some prude blogger cunt’s inability to fuck because of Trump, and more. And everyone dismissed the idea of Trump being a fuck of a lot closer to the White House than anyone was prepared to admit. And though I never boasted confidence in his eventual victory, I welcomed it with open arms.

So if you’re worried, shivering, sweating, protesting, still calling people sexist and racist for finally standing up to you and your cunty drivel–get a grip, grow some fucking balls, and figure out how you’re going to get through your miserable days knowing that all your hypocritical regressive bullshit just got your salty asses thrown the fuck out. So now you have to deal with it. Now you have to accept the repercussions of your incessant white knight cancerous fucking narrative. You asked for this. The grave is yours to fill.
Chickens, meet Roost.



Pepe the Frog VS Harambe

Hello, Children of the Internets…Father Time, here. You may not believe this–shit, I can scarcely believe it myself–but there once was a time when memes were developed, ran their course, and eventually died. Occasionally, the meme would see a resurgence, riding on the white horse of creativity. Using wit, or simple nostalgia, a meme would be brought back into the mainstream.

1Some memes even caught on so strongly that entire long-running television shows were built around them; shows that wedged the confusing meme into the show as if the showrunner was obsessed or driven to the brink of insanity. None of us knew what it meant. The Internet was so young. We just…went with it. The next thing we knew, we were all recognizing Calista Flockhart was. Next thing we knew, she was married to Harrison Ford…when we woke up, it was too late.

We now have two memes that won’t die despite the best efforts of the ubiquitous “fun police.” So, what does a culture that has become morbidly obsessed with self-victimization and virtue signalling do when they realize that people they disagree with are having all the fun? 

Declare those memes racist, of course.

3First, we have Pepe the Frog. The character was ripped from the pages of Matt Furie’s comic series, Boy’s Club, a counter-culture stoner strip that grew popular among the indie web-comic crowd. But Pepe truly came to life on 4chan, the brightest beacon of the dark-web, where message board addicts developed Reaction/Rage Faces. Many of which have faded into obscurity over the years, but Pepe–for his seemingly random nature–caught on with vicious staying power.

Pepe the Frog‘s only true purpose was to convey “feels good” or “feels bad.” It slowly evolved into becoming a variant symbol for Internet Trolls, hiding behind “Smug Pepe” faces as a symbol of pride and accomplishment in their trollings.

Enter Donald Trump. Trump’s candidacy was the single element that thrust troll culture, which had been evolving through GamerGate and years of ripping on inane popular fads, into the real world. And nothing makes trolls happier than the anger-berries generated by Glorious Leader Trump.

So, it seemed Pepe the Frog was a perfect fit for faux hate-mongers on social media. A troll could pretend to be a white supremacist and use Pepe as an in-crowd hint that they’re trolling. A plan with no drawbacks.

Well…one drawback. The mainstream media taking it seriously.

Yes, that’s right. Pepe the Frog just trolled a national election. But it doesn’t stop there. The (((Anti-Defamation League))) has officially declared the cartoon frog as a symbol of hate. That’s right–it’s a burning cross, swastika, triple-parenthesis around something you’re identifying as Jewish, and Pepe the Frog–all equally threatening and worthy of hate-crime status. Because if the 24-hour media cycle creating bullshit stories is going to get under the skin of anyone in this crazy, mixed up country of ours, it’s the upper class of concerned hand-wringing Jews.

And speaking of cultural pearl-clutching, let’s breathe some life back into Harambe the Gorilla!

3It’s not completely accurate to say that Harambe ever went away (except, of course, in the literal sense, for the actual Harambe), but the over-saturation of the gorilla meme has caused many to lament its longevity.

Longevity, in the meme world, means literally 1 Summer that might as well be 100 years.

I sincerely doubt anyone needs their memory jogged about the Harambe incident, but let’s remind ourselves anyway.

On May 28th, 2016, a child fell into the gorilla encampment at the Cincinnati Zoo, leading their beloved male gorilla Harambe to be shot dead by Zoo Staff for fear of endangering the child’s life. The incident sparked initial outrage, first among the Black Lives Matter crowd, comparing the gorilla to a proud African life taken to save precious white child. Then, they figured out the child in question was black, and immediately blamed everyone else for questioning the responsibility of the child’s parents. Animal rights activist fought tooth and nail (pun intended) against those who believed the Zoo made the only sad, but sensible, decision they could.

4It was the shot heard ’round the world.

But it didn’t take long to fade away, out of the news cycle, and out of the public eye.

And then it came back hard. The trolls had won the day again, spreading “Justice for Harambe” memes, comparing the deceased gorilla to beloved celebrities lost in 2016, shouting “Dicks Out for Harambe” and other such nonsense, just to put the ridiculousness of it all into absurd perspective. People who had previously been fighting about the emotional and ethical impact of the killing of this beloved animal were now coming together in good humor to celebrate Harambe’s life.

So, needless to say, harmony over Harambe could not last long before those who refused to be “in on it” began to drive the wedge yet again.

One of the most notable opponents of the Harambe Party was actor, comedian, and all-around professional dipshit, Kumail Nanjiani, who declared the Harambe memes racist because Harambe is a silly African name, and therefore must only be used out of hate.

3You know when your pseudo-progressive cocksuckery has gotten out of control well-and-good when people like rainbow-haired Max Landis have to attempt to settle your hash. But Kumail can’t be swayed, even though his opinion stinks like yesterday’s curry.

Of course, Kumail isn’t the only one. A battalion of social justice warriors have jumped on the “Harambe Memes are Racist” bandwagon, and they aren’t going anywhere.

Clearly, the only course of action is to continue ad nauseam with the antisemitic anthropomorphic frogs and the racist great apes, but at what cost? Sure we can ram these things down the throats of everyone who is fake-offended by them, but do they lose the comedy?

2When the memes stop being funny, the beauty and purity of the joke is lost. But it’s even more important to note that not all jokes are created equal. And not everyone’s sense of humor is the same. Pepe the Frog creator, Matt Furie, was recently asked about the use of his character by Trump supporters and racist trolls. He said that he finds it funny and entertaining; that it’s just a phase, and more in line with out-shocking another person with how vile he can make Pepe than it is about any kind of actual hatred.

Conversely, the Cincinnati Zoo and many others have grown very upset over the continued Harambe memes, and have requested many times over that they be stopped, or at very least, directed elsewhere.

The beauty in this double-edged decorative replica sword is that as long as there is someone out there, fudging their drawers and getting needlessly triggered over a drawing or photoshop of an amphibian or ape, tossing around Pepes and/or Harambes will never go out of style.