The Curious Case of Taylor Alison Swift

I’ve been a fan of Taylor Swift’s since September 13th, 2009. Most people would lie to you and say “I’ve been a fan since the very beginning,” but not me. This was a very specific date when something very significant happened. Less than a year after America had elected its first black President and Taylor released her second studio album, Fearless, she was nominated, and won, Best Female Video for her song You Belong With Me at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards.

That evening, two notable occurrences took place. First, a drunk and obnoxious Kanye West hopped up on the stage, insisting that Beyoncé Knowles–then nominated for the chart-topping Single Ladies —had one of the best music videos of all time. Later in the evening, upon accepting her award for Video of the Year, Beyoncé offered Taylor Swift the microphone to finish her acceptance speech from earlier.

This evening soured many people on Kanye West, made many others aware of Taylor Swift, and served as a moment of mutual respect in a music industry that had crossed all racial divides. It was a proud moment in Obama’s America; a moment that nobody needed Obama for. There were no politics. Only people.

For almost ten years after that moment, Taylor Swift went from being the darling of the country music scene to one of the most successful pop acts ever, and did so while remaining almost entirely apolitical. She recognized that alienating half her audience may not be the best path forward for a pop superstar.

She’d adopted this persona as a heartsick fairy tale princess who only wanted to bake cupcakes, give surprise gifts to her fans, hang out with her cats, and find Prince Charming somewhere down the line.

So what happened?

Related imageTaylor’s career was deeply invested in Big Machine Records, the music label she lifted off the ground, and vice versa. She had complete control and the money was good. She had made a name for herself, brought up new country artists, and cultivated a fan base (or Stan-base?) of Swifties the world over.

In 2016, three more monumental occurrences transpired. First, Taylor Swift had a very messy and public spat with Kim Kardashian and (once again) Kanye West over some of the language about her used in one of West’s tracks. Second, Taylor postponed her 7th and final album to be released through the Big Machine Records label due to the stress and anger she was receiving from non-Swifties. And finally, Hillary Clinton, with the full force of everyone in the entertainment industry behind her (sans Taylor Swift), lost the Presidential Election to Donald Trump.

With the release of her 7th album, Reputation, and subsequent tour, Taylor was finished with her label, and became one of the most valuable musical free agents in history. She had been through the eye of the storm, risked losing her fans, generated a lot of frustration due to her silence in the 2016 election, and had a successful stadium tour to promote her album.

And that brings us to today. After being acquired by Universal Music Group, starting work on her 8th studio album, and pushing 30, Taylor Swift decided it was time to show people who she really is in the pages of Elle magazine. Her self-written article titled 30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30, reads like a strange fiction concocted by someone who isn’t quite certain of her own real world identity.

Image result for taylor swiftShe explains her decision to cut off commenting from Instagram and other social accounts due to caustic responses from the Internet’s finest.

It continues in awkward fashion, as she analyzes and critiques her own changing body like a teenager noticing them for the first time. And while turning 30 may be a milestone in her own life, she bizarrely asserts that strange notions like the idea that her hair has suddenly become straight after 29 years of being curly, and that men could never possibly understand the horrors of aging.

She reacts in a somewhat confusing manner to the May 22, 2017 Ariana Grande concert suicide bombing. She claims that she constantly fears for not only her fans’ safety, but hers as well. In a thought experiment that would lead any rational reader to conclude “this is when I started carrying mace/a taser/a knife/a gun” she reveals that she now carries first aid gauze for patching knife and bullet wounds, seeming to imply a complete lack of either honesty or awareness of actual physical danger.

She vows never to let outside opinions and politics impact her own, which then begs the question, why all of this? And why now?

She casually blames the entire year two-thousand sixteen for her desire to learn how to mix her own cocktails; a woman in her late twenties. Furthering a narrative that she is a long-time home cook, she assures readers that she loves cooking several recipes including an appalling “only ground beef” meatball dish, and other entirely basic concoctions courtesy of solely celebrity chefs. Less disturbing is her celebration of acquiring a game-changing “garlic crusher” (an item that doesn’t exist).

Perhaps even more egregious than the whole cooking debacle she announces that she has learned to always believe the “victim” of sexual assault due to her own experience as a victim. Not to belittle Taylor’s legal butt-grab battle, but comparing her experience to those who have experienced actual sexual assault seems to cheapen it a bit.

Taylor then proclaims that now, at age 29, she is finally ready to get extremely political with her hundreds of millions of followers…a decision I’m certain will not go over swimmingly.

The remainder of her learned experiences are often somewhat sad. She regrets relationships, fake friends, trusting the wrong people, and not going with her gut more often. Surely, all of these sound fairly commonplace in American life.

What this article communicates with me is that while Taylor Swift has spent her career being a consistently aspirational figure, she has spent very little time figuring out what it means to be truly authentic.

Image result for taylor swift

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Sailor Twift InstaZine: Tha Spooktacular Issue (Oct. 2018)

  1. As we get closer and closer to the fictional narrative of The Purge, people are angry, violence manifests out of anger and politicians stoke the flames of chaos by encouraging the political Left to engage in acts of physical and mental aggression on their opponents.

  2. Halloween is once again upon us; one of the key holidays that sparked PC culture on college campuses. Videos of erratic students shrieking at their less confrontation-prone professors over statements made about trying not to get too upset at offensive Halloween costumes. Halloween, up until then thought of as a day of irreverence and perhaps even provocative masquerade amongst alleged grown-ups, had essentially been cancelled.

  3. The Philadelphia Flyers unveiled their new NHL mascot, Gritty. Gritty represents a scrappy, bearded hockey fanatic paired with the Flyers’ entertaining and notable history of being roughnecks on the ice. Due to Gritty’s quite startling appearance, he sparked a plethora of memes and articles, in addition to a wealth of attention for the team itself. Will Gritty be the shot in the arm the Philadelphia Flyers need to make it all the way to the Stanley Cup? Time will tell.

  4. Apparently, “Blue Wave” is not just a disgusting blue-flavored liquor…Democrats across the country appear to be preparing for what they feel is going to be a “Blue Wave” in the 2018 Midterm elections. Typically, the opposing party to the President delivers a win in the legislature during midterm elections, but the Democrats seem to be expecting a huge victory across the board. Oddly, the attitudes of the Republican Party and their constituents do not seem to reflect any desire to roll over and die. Perhaps a “Red Wave” is in order.

  5.  Our all new Faces of the Left video series launched with a first volume of tapes guaranteed to make you cringe and squirm. We searched far and wide for examples of Leftists in their natural form, behaving in morally repugnant ways. And now we bring those tapes to you…be warned!

  6. The Brett Kavanaugh Saga has come to an end, at least for now…but we still have that lingering message in the ether: “Believe Her.” The message embedded in this slick slogan is that a person’s word, especially if they’re a woman, is enough evidence to solidify someone’s downfall. And although this can’t be legally upheld in any way, it seems to be culturally and socially accurate. It’s going to take backbone and perseverance to make sure mere accusations without fact or corroboration do not bring about our demise.

    We recall the story of Emmett Till, a black teenager who was murdered because a woman told her family that he tried to sexually assault her. She later regretted this decision (whether or not it was true) because she didn’t realize how badly it would turn out. Don’t get it twisted, the Democrats wanted Brett Kavanaugh to lose his career, family, and life. That’s the only end game when it comes to these accusations.

    The confirmation of Kavanaugh, and the standing up against baseless attacks was a major victory, but the war isn’t over yet. #BOOF

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How to solve your normie Identity Crisis in 2017

Are you having a panic attack? Trouble breathing? Does it seem like the whole world is going insane, slowly crashing down around you as you spiral into a bottomless pit of depression and despair? Well, don’t worry–you’re in a good current year for your delusions of grandeur, body dysmorphia and political posturing. And because everyone seems to be doing it these days, no one will suspect a thing!

lNtfNU.gifIdentity used to be a niche that one could safely find ximself(?) in without being judged by similar normies where one could pretend to hate labels while secretly craving them. It used to be so cool! You could be a nerd guy (secret racist with a superiority complex), nerd girl (burnt-out math major and future mentally-abused care-giver of nerd guy), jock (illiterate glutton for authority), or cheerleader (burnt-out philosophy major and future physically-abused housewife of jock).

If you didn’t quite fit into any of those molds, don’t worry–because the most faux-alienated stereotypes always splinter off into their own tinier niches to further capitalize on the over-indulgent sympathy of their genetic superiors. There’s truly only one group who marginalize themselves in this way, and that group is: Nerds.

giphy.gifNerds would then split into fractured symbiotic subgroups in a fleeting attempt at forming a personal identity; a term that parents with teenage children would refer to as “a phase.” These phases typically manifested in a type of gender-bending fashion statement for boys (i.e. goth, punk, emo, grunge, metal). Similarly for girls, adopting crazy hair colors, styles, flamboyant or overtly sexual attire in the genres mentioned would be considered a normal “phase,” mostly reflecting the pop culture of the time.

Both genders participating in activities that parents with teenage children would refer to as “disappointing their father.”

Today, however, Nerd Cultures have taken over the mainstream. Any plausible activity that may have previously been considered fringe or specialized to “geeks” and “indoor kids” has become the norm. And therefore, the need for a new identity has emerged. The search for a “new phase” has begun. But this time it’s effecting everyone from imaginative children to hormonal (or stripped of their proper hormones) teens to mentally unstable adults.

So, for the time being, in the current year, before we start allowing who-the-fuck-knows-what as a viable imaginary identity type, here are some helpful suggestions to adopt.

1. Gender Non-Conforming Free Spirit
download.jpegWe can’t always get what we want…unless we can! Are you super-jealous of the handful of people who actually suffer from the crippling mental anguish that comes from body/gender dysmorphia? If your answer is, “Well, no but I like wearing pink sometimes, so that makes me part female,” then gender bending may be for you!

2. Species Non-Conforming Free Spirit
Otherkin20-1.pngIf you’re the type of person who can’t seem to bring attention to yourself whether you’re a pink-haired morbidly obese man-child in a virtue-signaling graphic tee, then perhaps you’d like to get the kind of sympathetic attention afforded to pets and the severely physically handicapped.

3. Politically Inconvenient Racial Ideologue
sean-king-youtuberIt’s very easy to rely on your own sense of racial pride when your own life is virtually devoid of meaningful accomplishment. The Chinese have been the only racial group to have their own “towns” in every major city and not see a complete social breakdown, so congratulations on your newfound dedication to your Nordic or Afrikaan identities, racial elitists, but–sadly–you’ll never be superior to the Chinese.

4. Politically Illogical Social Media NPC
c0swivxt37ry.jpgWe understand, life can feel empty when you’re a boring automaton with no real personality. You want to float under the radar, but you also want to make sure everyone thinks you’re well-read, properly virtuous for the current social climate, or simply much more politically conscious than you actually are. Find a TV show or poorly written news magazine that closely matches what you think of as a proper political ideal, and then just repeat your fake ideology until The Rock gets elected president, or whatever.

5. Generic Autist
Cenk_Uygur_by_Gage_SkidmoreBecause you’ve spent so much time pretending to like everything you see in order to avoid any minor confrontation, you’ve run into the soul-crushing problem of not really liking anything. There’s nothing you particularly enjoy. Everything you experience is essentially a fleeting and forgettable amusement park ride. But pretending to like things can be fun, too. Just get really hype about one or two things whenever they come up and you’ll be fine. The reality is that you’ll never have a conversation long enough for anyone to notice you don’t know what you’re talking about.

6. Blue-Pilled Normie
1424933369558So you haven’t chosen an identity yet. No worries. You’re a blank slate and there’s no shame in that. You’re dangerously close to being a general autist, but don’t lose hope quite yet. You have plenty of time to be a genderqueer species-nonconforming walruskin resistance-fighter you always/never wanted to become. Or…consciously fight every instinct that you have and try to be an adult in the real-world.

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