Talking Nerdy, Ep. 128: Je Suis Charlie Lightning

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In a dark week for free speech, the best thing to do is speak out. We talk about the tragedy at France’s Charlie Hebdo magazine, who PeTA is mad at now, why we should know who Paul McCartney is, and discuss whether or not Ant-Man will be a success for Marvel. We announce the winners of our #HashtagOrDie game with @Schmovie: #SadSchmovies–and round out our FINAL TEN for the Talking Nerdy Celebrity Death Pool!

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–Follow today’s crew @NerdyPodcast, @CVLwolf, @JoeyHaHas, @SuperDudeDavey, @Dan_SuperDPS

Congrats to this week’s #HashtagOrDie Winners for #SadSchmovies

@kickmenthenards, @Jorschach, @GBmagnolia, @HollyRocket, @Mr_Eichenberg, @SarcasticBastrd

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What the fuck are we doing? Examining the Political Climate of 2010

Lately my brain has been a McDonald’s PlayPlace of ambivalence and disgruntled pessimism over our country’s current political climate. I can’t bring myself to be apathetic because–in all honesty–there aren’t many issues that I would consider myself to be “on-the-fence” or “*shrugging my shoulders*” about.

(Don’t you love how we can use those little action asterisks in place of real forms of communication?)

I also can not bring myself to be fully pessimistic as any extreme form of pessimism can only be condescending and ultimately pointless.

I’m not making excuses, but this bee-hive of fears and ponderings has severely limited by ability to generate clear-minded and concise articles for this site…I say that as if it’s ever stopped me before…so let’s begin.

The eight years ranging from 2000-2008 have severely damaged our fundamental trust in the leadership of politicians. I don’t mean to say that politicians were loved and trusted before the 8 year term of George W. Bush, but his actions were so intentionally divisive that the 2 party system will take a long time to recover.

George W. Bush drove a wedge in between each party creating what would soon become a 4-party system. Democrats were broken between those who would give the then-president the benefit of the doubt during the whole “war thing,” and those who recognized and appreciated that cowboy “W” was an infant behind the wheel of a Camarro speeding towards a cliff.

Republicans were living the dream. They could do what they do best–sit back, watch shit go wrong, and then blame someone else for the catastrophuck that ensues. Remember how hardcore the Right was for George W. while he was president? Almost as hardcore the Left was against him from the start–and I say “almost” because even some people on the Left tried to excuse his actions. Remember trying to convince your thick-headed friends that the terrorists don’t “hate our freedom?”

The real trouble came in 2008 when a charismatic black liberal was elected to follow the 8 year Douchefest. Obama ran for office with instantaneous celebrity status and a message that people wanted to believe in. It was all a bit silly and pie-in-the-sky, but we can excuse that for now.

“Yes We Can” was a phrase that created a huge response from those who hadn’t already given up all hope and faded away into the judgementally disabled. With the growing popularity of Obama came a complete fucking dismantling of the Republican Party. For the sake of argument, let’s say:

There is no longer a Republican Party. There are still Republicans, of course, but they are represented by either the Elite, or the simply “Non-Liberal” crowd. I would have liked to see a growth in the Republican Party towards a more Libertarian viewpoint–a path which would lead it towards being Socially Liberal and Economically Conservative.

Instead, the Republican Party deteriorated into a dark, pungent pool of perpetual (yet blissful) ignorance. We have entered an Age of Stupidity that strikes at America’s core even harder than the Economic Deficit–and I’ll prove it.

Beginning with the Democratic Party, let’s think back to 2004. Let’s recall how much of the civilized world (and an extraordinary portion of the uncivilized) was on the Anti-Bush bandwagon. History has, of course, shown that this was the right bandwagon to be on, but at the time it was practically set ablaze by the Pro-Bush WarWagon. Remember when the Democrats could have dressed a semi-retarded Chicken in a slim-fitting suit and won the White House and Legislature hands fucking down?

But what did they do? They ran John Kerry, sat back, and thought that the public opinion towards Bush was so bad that they didn’t have to do a fucking thing. They threw out some unsophisticated jokes and jabs at Bush and his idiocy and believed they could laugh, giggle, and clown their way into the Oval Office. They fucked the dog, and they would learn to never make the same mistake again.

No, waitaminute…they didn’t learn shit, and now they’re repeating their mistakes. In possibly the most important election in 2 years–and for 2 more years to come–Democrats are pulling the same lazy and ineffective bullshit, thinking that they’ll somehow fart their way into American hearts.

But the real shame is that in a defective and completely clusterfucked Republican “Party,” intelligence, reason, and logic have no place. When it comes to truly good and level-headed Republicans, I have become an agnostic. I believe that somewhere, they may have the possibility to exist, but I have yet to see any proof.

The age of the Tea Party is upon us. Fighting for lower taxes…or simply a better tax system is a noble and appropriate fight, but the dignity of arguing a point while having any comprehension of Reality has been totally forfeit.

It all started with Sarah Palin and her initiation into the mainstream by the now suspiciously silent John McCain. At that time, a Monster was created by the Republican Party–and now they will herald their own demolition. The audience that supports and rallies for the Palin Monster (by which I mean the entire Neo Republican Tea Party) are, as a whole, psychologically detached from the Real World in a dangerous and terrifying way.

While we have learned valuable lessons about turning on one another during trying times, it has become absolutely necessary to root out this Ignorance Militia and fight to keep sanity alive.

Don’t vote for a candidate based on the fact that he or she made fun of Christine O’Donnell for being a “witch,” or because he or she identified the Tea Party as a bunch of inbred, gap-toothed, racist, redneck yokels (I doubt anyone has said this…yet). Vote for your candidate because they live in the same reality that you live in:

A reality where jobs are scarce, god is absent, social inequality runs rampant, and the President is a secret Nazi Muslim Black Socialist who wants to kill your Grandmother. Wait…scratch that last one.

Alex_G

The People for Basil Marceaux

Surely–by now–you’ve seen, or at least heard about, the internet phenomenon called Basil Marceaux. What started as a Tennessee local news open forum for Marceaux to present his reasons why he should be elected Governor turned into a worldwide clusterfunny at his own expense. For those of you who haven’t seen the “video that started it all,” take a look:

I wouldn’t hesitate to call Marceaux an American Hero; as not doing so could and should label us hypocrites…potentially. He (supposedly) served as a Recon Marine in some war at some point, making him a Veteran of the armed forces for–shit–at least a semi-legitimate period of time. He’s also a self-described “Great Man,” which you could pretty much just accept as truth, because–what the hell? How can you deny the legitimacy of a disciple of the new Republican party with 3 teeth to his face who introduces himself as “BasilMarceaux.com?”

The deeper you dive into the man’s existence, the more precious treasures you resurface with. His website–his own handiwork–reeks of unfounded superiority and delusions of grandeur. The mechanics of his overall concepts and ideology concern me greatly; however, his past failed attempts paired with the fact that he only managed to rake in about 1% of the vote give me an unparalleled degree of optimism for humanity.

Here are some of my choice excerpts from his website (and don’t worry about having them taken out of context because, honestly, there is no context):

I argues that the county legal system makes most of the oath takers to break their oath and to refused to listen to U.S, Supreme Court order to balance the budget through False arrest, linking the county to Slavers, Kidnapper extortionists. Racketeers, jury fixers, and all felony crimes.”

“Education, let us put phonics back in school if you can not read you can not do History, Math, English. And that where we are now. Let make it mandatory in high school to read the minutes to the U.S. Congress, the Congressional Globe the real history of the U.S”

“Things I done for my citizens”

“WHAT IMPORTANT

1. Education
a. School violents
b. Add reading of the minutes to the U.S.Congress mandatory
c. Get more of the lottery money to 1-12

2. Equal Health care
a. a free gift program
b. take a look at and redo all mandtory insurance programs
c. See why dental is not in most plans a tooth aches hurt more than a back aches and no teeths depresses people”

Ultimately, we have one person to thank for this continuous political fuckery: Sarah Palin. I know what you’re thinking…”Sarah who?” But, yes, for those of us who choose to remember she exists, the former Governor of Alaska may be solely responsible for the political Dark Age we currently find ourselves wrapped up in.

Not only did Palin make it acceptable for the ignorant and dumbfounded to hurl themselves into the political spectrum, she also made it standard operating procedure. Somehow, some way, it has become noble and respectable in the Republican Party to be an irresponsible and arrogant (what’s the politically correct term?) shit-for-brains.

It is through this notion that political discourse has become less about the motivations and ideologies of the people in question and more about their ability to dress themselves in the morning. Unfortunately–because we’re the greatest country in the world (love it or leave it)–we are responsible for exporting this brand of political caricature to the rest of the Western world.

Basil Marceaux is a nincompoop, but you didn’t need me to figure that out for you. There is no conceivable danger of him ever being elected to anything. But that’s not to say that Basil Marceaux will disappear or fade into obscurity. This recent meme created by his television appearances (and pretty much any video where he opens his mouth to string “words” together into “sentences”) will almost certainly spark the imaginations of those who identify with his “politics.”

From this, many more Marceauxs will emerge.

Consider Basil Marceaux as the average redneck fucktard. All they need is someone who can formulate these ideas and concepts into comprehensible language and then they will have a viable candidate. And while we can rest easy knowing that there are bright people in this country who would never let such a thing happen, we must also keep on our toes–because after all–Palin was elected governor of a fucking state…and let’s not forget who led this entire country from 2000-2008.

But for now, have as much fun as possible being in on this nationwide joke at the expense of a fat, slow-witted, toothless Veteran called BasilMarceauxdotcom. I know I will. Amen, and everyone, have a nice day.

Alex G/