Sailor Twift MAGAzine: July Issue 2019

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At long last, Sailor Twift MAGAzine is back…and just in time for Mid-Summer Madness!

LorneOur first cover-story is Lorne Mugawnagoats’ exciting new therapeutic and religious exercise: Spiritworkers Angel-Light Healing. She and her mysterious student (prisoner?) treat you to intricate and fascinating demonstrations and explanations of the amazing healing power of metaphysical angel-light.

BossEverybody is raving about Little Breakfast Boy–a middle-aged manchild caught on tape throwing a full-on tantrum in a breakfast goods store. When the video went viral, Breakfast Boy could be seen on every comedy podcast and radio show, spreading joy to all through the gifts of genuine red-faced New York City scumbaggery.

Our next story follows a familial dispute that took place in the wholesome land of Toon Town. Not since the days of Roger Rabbit have we seen such targeted aggression in a section of Los Angeles known for its kid-friendly, universally lovable characters.

BenNot exactly leading in the political polls, Fake Democrat Hopeful, Comedy Guy, and Game Show Host, Bern Gleb continues to collect campaign contributions from well-meaning but delusional boomer women who’ve taken him at his word that he has a chance to make it to the debate stage, let alone become the Democrat nominee for President of the United States.

And finally, experts are saying that the rise to prominence of four freshman Congresswomen may be a sign of the second coming. But not the second coming that Evangelicals are expecting; no. A far more sinister second coming…the rebirth of Heaven’s Gate–a mass suicide of frightened and bewildered progressive followers at the behest of wide-eyed emotionally and mentally corrupt leaders.

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