7 Reasons You’re Barb from “Stranger Things”

itworksEveryone needs a good friend; a friend that they can straight up shit on. Perhaps that is why everyone loves Barb from Stranger Things so much. Let’s break it down with the Top 7 Reasons You’re Barb.

  1. You’re incredibly insecure and are latching on to the nerd girl character Barb because she is a reflection of how low your self-esteem is.

     

  2. You’ve always been jealous of your friends who were getting some.
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  3. You did everything you were told to do when you were younger and now you regret it so you relate to the Barb and her nothingness.
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  4. You think you were always the voice of reason, but you were really a nag.
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  5. You like her fashion sense because it’s the way you were forced to dress and would never dress like that in public ever again (not including Halloween).
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  6. You realize you always dreamt of being the star of the show when in reality, you’re just a Barb.
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  7. You’re really a Nancy, but feel about all the Barbs you screwed over, so now you make up for it by pretending to identify with characters who stink.

All in all, you’re either a horrible person, or a complete loser. Congrats, Barb.

Z

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This is Why We Can’t Have ‘Stranger’ Things

2There’s been a lot of speculation about the hit Netflix series Stranger Things, due to its supernatural elements and all of the undisclosed “secrets” of the Upside-Down, the Monster, and Jane “Eleven” Ives. But there’s one thing we know for absolute certain. The two-headed embodiment of satanic deception, the Demogorgon, is you.

If you haven’t watched Stranger Things yet, I feel sorry for you, but I won’t spoil anything. The basic premise of the show is that a group of misfit Dungeons & Dragons-playing kids stumble upon a dark secret in 1980’s Indiana: a monster from another dimension. When one of their friends goes missing, they enlist the help of a mysterious girl with psychokinetic powers to help find him again.

4Stranger Things quickly became the third highest rated original series on Netflix, behind Fuller House and Orange is the New Black. But I’d have to think a majority of those viewers were attracted simply by word-of-mouth, which makes it that much more impressive.

Yes, fans of the show are a vocal bunch. So vocal, at times, that it begins to corrode the pure unadulterated enjoyment of the series–which is admittedly fantastic.

And thus, we return to our original premise; and explain how you are the monster. Well, not you, personally, dear reader, but presumably someone you know. Someone with an ego large enough to compensate the idea that all media was made with his tastes in mind, and all media must fit his cultural narrative. The “you” in this context, the target audience of the show–people between the ages of 18 and 40–are the millennial babies who will either find something “problematic” with every form of art and media…or praise a work of art for reasons so disconnected from the intended message that it’s embarrassing to communicate with you on a human level.

We’ll take one such case study of Stranger Things from pseudo-journalist Daniel Reynolds of ADVOCATE.com, which I can only assume is a site where writers advocate other writers to spew out targeted pearl-clutching or virtue-signaling drivel about the LGBT community, who they claim to represent.

Reynolds asserts–not hypothesizes–that every protagonist in the series is inherently queer because they’re all outsiders in some way. Ranging from the not-so-subtle bullying of characters and calling them “queer”…to the Guinness Record holding reach of saying the fat kid represents GAYS because he has a lisp. Not only is this a psychotic thing to insinuate, but it’s also pretty offensive to gay people who don’t feel the need to speak and act like Puerto Rican hairdressers.

6Here’s how we know Reynolds has no legs to stand on: this is a sci-fi show about middle-American kids in the 80’s. Kids are called “gay” and “faggot” and “fairy” all the time for reasons that range from liking girly things, to being artistic, to not liking sports, to simply being quiet. Kids are cruel; but if the bullied youngsters were really standing up for the homosexual community in this series, when their missing friend is called a “gay fairy” you’d think they’d go “so what?” and shrug it off. Instead they get mad and fight back. Because it’s taken as an insult. These are children in a sci-fi/fantasy show. They have monsters to fight, they don’t have time for your worthless agenda.

Reynolds makes it very clear in his article that he believes Eleven is queer, all the kids are queer, the photographer kid who gets his camera broken is a big queer, and everyone in the tiny town of Bumblefuck, Indiana are probably queer, too. Not only does this represent such a skewed view of reality, but it’s a way of seeing the world that borderlines on psychosis. It makes me truly wonder if he’s actually getting his opinions from the next door neighbor’s talking dog.

He even says that the unsung hero, Barb–false, stop saying Barb is awesome. She stinks–gets dragged into the Upside-Down as a metaphor for her being trapped in the closet…like R. Kelly? He wraps the entire article up with a little jab, saying that if you want to see the reality of this perceived homophobia, watch the Republican debate. This article was written in July, so I can only assume he was talking about the Republican National Convention, in which both politicians and audiences cheered for the success and safety of the LGBT community…so I have no idea what the fuck he’s referencing.

5This is also coming from the same person who wrote an article on actor Matt Bomer, a gay man who is playing a transgender woman in an upcoming film, a gay man who played a straight man on American Horror Story, a gay man who said that sexuality of the actor shouldn’t matter to a role. This writer called Matt Bomer out for doing “transface.” Whatever the fuck that means! Clear lunatic.

The fact that Stranger Things has done so well in a world we’re constantly told is homophobic, racist and misogynistic speaks volumes against the validity of those claims. When America can sit down, regardless of beliefs or politics, and enjoy a show about a diverse group of geeky friends getting saved by a female hero who kicks the asses of both bullies and monsters, we know we’re in pretty good shape.

But there is a two-faced hell-beast out there ruining the fun for everyone, putting on the disguise of a fanboy while actively trying to divide, destroy and conquer. There is a Demogorgon. And it’s you.

X

 

 

Talking Nerdy, Ep. 208: D4 The Mighty Dorks

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A trip to the Mahoning Drive-In TheaterJurassic Park and Jaws double feature / Rio 2016 Olympic Games kicks off with a career-ending injurySuicide Squad kicks the bucket / The Stranger Things debate / 2016 Election–Clinton VS Trump / The Trump-Yourself App / Voting for VaginaMasterchef is no longer about cooking / Nathan loses his mind / This week in Local News: Dunkin Donuts Fire / This week in Local NewsThe Old Swimming Hole / We learn about self-righteous Sugar Babies / Michael Ray Bower takes to the streets with some uncomfortable women.

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