Pony Up, Daddy! The End of the American Father

2It’s been a rough road for the American dad. From their portrayal in commercials since commercials existed, to being walked all over in every HGTV reality show where he’s forced into living in a Tiny House, or choosing between identical paint swatches, the USA Daddy has been dragged into his role as the castrated fool.

Dads don’t get it, and most of this degradation is welcomed with open-arms. Dads can’t dance, fuck up basic human tasks around the home, and seek only the freedom to listen to their favorite Creedence Clearwater Revival mix CDs on their way to and from work without having their seat kicked or hearing about an “interesting” HuffPo think-piece.

Just when we thought life couldn’t get any more fucked for USA Daddy, enter Pony Up, Daddy the new As Seen on TV product to, at long last, crush whatever quiet dignity Dad had left.

Everything about this product commercial is designed to ruin the psyche of the American dad; from the horrifying compliance of the father who goes from relaxing on the couch to excitedly getting on all-fours upon non-verbal request…to the condescending implication that “Moms can do it, too,” briefly saddling up a woman in a creepy and bizarrely off-putting manner, as if to say “jay-kay, women have some self-respect left!”

In conclusion, this is not to imply that Pony Up, Daddy (a name obviously chosen to belittle the American father’s financial responsibility to his family) spells the end of days for the American male. One must acknowledge that USA Daddy does not represent all men. Single men are glorified by the media and commercial industry as independent and wealthy in wallet and spirit. But something happens the split-second that fatherhood enters into the equation.

As males, it is implied that we want giant burgers fed to us by super models, fast and loud cars that we can’t possibly afford, fashionable suits, and razors with an obnoxious level of blades…but as soon as we become dads, it’s time to saddle up, Pony Boy, and get ready for more horseplay than a Penn State shower room.

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The Day America Elected a Frog

1Let’s get one thing straight. Most of America doesn’t vote; so before you gloat about “America wanted Trump” or “It appears Clinton won the popular vote, so clearly America wanted Clinton,” understand the the vast majority of the country didn’t give a fuck about either candidate; or at least not enough to push a button.

Since the beginning of this election cycle–all the way back to the primaries, the media, pollsters, experts, and dipshit comedians made one thing perfectly clear: Donald Trump did not stand a chance. But there was something else going on that they didn’t quite grasp:

Most people don’t really like being seen as villains.

It began with the Tea Party, a diverse nationalist group mainly focused on decreasing the power of the Federal Government, and against amnesty for illegal immigrants. They were called racists. Then we expand the scope to gun violence and the evolution of Black Lives Matter from a law enforcement watchdog group into a terrorist organization. But if you spoke against BLM, you were called racist. Then we expand further to Islamic extremism, the failure of European governments to get a handle on terrorism and corrosive Islamic culture within their borders, and those who had a problem with it were called racist.

But the Social Justice movement had their own frustration against the big government cronies. They formed Occupy Wall Street and attempted to stand up for “the 99%”, a portion of the country they felt were not given preferential treatment over the elite and wealthy donors, lobbyists and powers that influence practically every move in government, no matter what party is in power.These protest groups slowly dismantled and became dysfunctional versions of themselves; largely due to public perception of their behavior (along with their actual objectionable behavior).

Any legitimate concerns about violent protests, riots, terrorism, murders and collegiate safe-space culture were immediately shut down as racistsexisttransphobichomophobic or islamophobic by the youth culture and their pearl-clutching “cool” professors.

Then the introversion began. People became increasingly apprehensive about voicing their disapproval, so they did so anonymously…via social media, or by living vicariously through outspoken provocateurs like Milo Yiannopoulos or satirical troll-havens like 4chan or Reddit. And it was in this cavern of anonymity that people chose Pepe the Frog as a symbol of their dissatisfaction.

While the typical election bullshit reached a fever pitch, the media assured the fainting-couch left that there was no possible way “New-Hitler Donald Trump” could possibly win. They asked millions of Americans through countless polls and the vast majority agreed. Donald Trump was a metaphysical impossibility.

But the cult of Pepe hadn’t been polled. They weren’t “likely voters.” The disenfranchised never are.

So when the time came to vote for a woman president, those who opposed her were called sexist. They didn’t like her political cronyism and they didn’t like the new Ghostbusters movie. They were the pariahs, living in the shadows, being shouted down by their peers, and being laughed off by the media.

They decided “fuck em. I’m going to vote Pepe.” And by this point, Pepe was solidified as Donald Trump. It could have been anyone. Any outsider who rose to national intrigue based on flippant behavior and complete disregard for the media’s non-stop belittlement. Make no mistake. This vote was not for Donald Trump, though many do sympathize with his political ideals. This was a vote for “fuck you.”

1This election wasn’t just a mirror of Britain’s Brexit vote…where the silent majority spoke out against what they perceived as a cultural holocaust…and agreed to turn their backs on the people who have been calling them bigots for the better part of a decade.

This election was punk. This election was hip hop. This election was the blowback of a culture war started long ago. The delusional moral superiority of the millennial culture created a volatile space that alienated the voices of reason, backed them into corners, and silenced them into sociological persecution–or at least the threat of it.

Many of those individuals chose not to cower in corners but to attempt to carefully fight back…swinging wildly, but with open-hands. All of their voices falling on deaf ears.

The rest waited, dormant, stoic. Waiting for the day when they could voice their frustration, not with a Facebook post that will get them suspended, or a Tweet that will get posted on Gawker with the caption “Check out THIS fucking idiot!” Principled, non-voting anarchistic and frustrated former-voters came out in droves. And while the actual voter turnout numbers were still relatively much lower than the media expected, they came out to push that button for Pepe the Frog. The anomaly. And Pepe won.

trollI’ve written several articles on this site about the swell of fear around a Trump presidency, the brazen corruption and seemingly unsinkability of the fascistic left, the rise of Pepe the Frog as a symbol of “hate”, some prude blogger cunt’s inability to fuck because of Trump, and more. And everyone dismissed the idea of Trump being a fuck of a lot closer to the White House than anyone was prepared to admit. And though I never boasted confidence in his eventual victory, I welcomed it with open arms.

So if you’re worried, shivering, sweating, protesting, still calling people sexist and racist for finally standing up to you and your cunty drivel–get a grip, grow some fucking balls, and figure out how you’re going to get through your miserable days knowing that all your hypocritical regressive bullshit just got your salty asses thrown the fuck out. So now you have to deal with it. Now you have to accept the repercussions of your incessant white knight cancerous fucking narrative. You asked for this. The grave is yours to fill.
Chickens, meet Roost.

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