I’m Not Mad, I’m Just Disappointed. Ep. 2

So here we go again. This time we’re looking at alcohol and anxiety, Beyonce, and arguments I have with my daughter. Just another day in the life!

Also, should this go full video? Let JoeyHaHas know!

Z

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Consumed By Classic Training Videos

1There are times when the internet consumes your existence and there is no turning back. It happened to me, and I am slowly breaking free from my own prison of fast food/retail training videos from the 80s/90s. No celebrities made me a video saying I will survive, eh, what are you going to do? Nothing, just keep watching and watching until your eyeballs hurt. What am I laughing at? The absurdity? How horrible I feel for those poor souls who sat in a back room watching these on their first day? Prepare to get flushed down the toilet that is this side of YouTube! Here are some of the training videos I couldn’t look away from:

It all began with this 1990 Blockbuster sales video where we are introduced to Buster Sales who is going to show us the way. By show us the way, I mean he is a total creep! I think he died a few years ago by a killer named, Red Bachs. 

Dave Thomas is a fucking pimp saying his hamburgers are the “best in the bidness”, and a magical black man shows us how to cook burgers with a rap! Grill Skills finished up with various Wendy’s crews flexing, singing, and playing guitar on a spatula! 

Wendy’s at it again… hot drinks left me speechless.. 

……and cold drinks.

‘Member Woolworth’s?!?!?! Meet Dick Deal, a professional shoplifter! 

Keep throwing it back with some training from Funcoland, the store that said it was friendly to kids, yet kicked me out after 5 minutes of being in there without a parent. Fuck you Funcoland. 

Michael McJackson shows us how to “Clean It” 

Nintendo reminds us that all customers are absolute morons 

The 21st century seems to have figured it all out. Burger King started selling hot dogs and used a Grilled Dogs Training Ambassador, Snoop Dogg! 

I think I’m going to make it after all and good luck if you choose to watch all of these and more. Let me know what you think on twitter @JoeyHaHas.

Z

You’re Not Crazy. Daniel Stern is.

Most of us remember Daniel Stern from his glory days of playing the character Marv in Home Alone & Home Alone 2: Kevin has negligent parents and he should be taken away, oh wait, it was Lost in New York. You may try to be smug and act like Bushwhacked is you’re favorite movie Stern was ever in, however, you are in idiot. The correct answer for best movie Daniel Stern was in is City Slickers. If you’re thinking Celtic Pride you’re a maniac and if you say Rookie of the Year then you’ve never seen City Slickers. Don’t feed me with that bullshit that he was the voice of adult Kevin Arnold on The Wonder Years, I know that so shut up and keep reading.

The guy had hit his peak in the early 90’s and boy does he know it. Due to the success of the Chicago Cubs, Stern has decided to bring back an old character. Phil Brickma, the eccentric pitching coach of the Chicago Cubs in Rookie of the Year.  

(Side note: Daniel Stern also directed the movie Rookie of the Year)

Check out these videos he has been posting on his social media accounts, as well as his YouTube channel. It will be a friendly reminder that you’re not crazy, Daniel Stern is. Or is he just having a good time? I don’t know, I don’t even know the guy, but these videos make me un-fucking-comfortable. My guess is he got a ton of views for a video where he brought Marv back and wants more attention. Enjoy!

Z